Not hating, Just stating…

Let me preface this by saying 2008 was an AMAZING year for me. It was more amazing than it was tragic, luckily. I got to not only witness but take part in one of the most POSITIVE and amazing things to happen in the US in DECADES! I was engaged, involved, informed & important!  I grew up, I learned, I lived, I loved! But there are things that were going on around me, that must NOT take place in 2009. This list was compiled by me & my friends. I will try to give credit…

30 Things I Am SO OVER in 2008!

I am SO OVER:

1. Hi fives as greetings-

Let me clarify, I have NO problems with hi-fives as a celebration. But high-fives are NOT a greeting. A wave, a handshake, maybe… But please stop high-fiving me. In the past 2 weeks, I have been offered a high-five as a greeting and have left both people hanging. After sharing my experience with a friend, I was informed of a high-five sighting between a Starbucks Barista and a drive-thru customer. Ummm WHAT?

Yeah, so in that vein, all high-fives as greetings are hereby ordered to cease and desist!

2. Hip-hop in 2008-

With VERY few exceptions, the majority of what was put out in 2008 under the umbrella of hip-hop was CRAP covered in molasses & dipped in cheap diamonds! AAAAAARRRRRRRGH!

Dear Hip-hop,

I fear you have turned into the old guy in the club or some other such ridiculous shadow of your former self that thinks they still got it, but is out of touch. Act your age, take care of your kids and please stop trying to sell me liquor. DAMMIT!

3.      3. The phrase: “It ain’t trickin if you got it”-

 You’re right, it’s STUPID! This dumb phrase will not die. Much like falling in love with a stripper, spending money on a girl that would not otherwise pay you any attention is fruitless, pointless and a waste of money even if you can “afford” it. You are not a sultan, you can’t pay a singer $1 mil just to perform for your dinner party and not miss it. CUT IT OUT!

4. 4. Raps about how much money you have-

Of course you have money; the record company GAVE it to you. But, Honey, we are in a recession! If your fans don’t have money, then they don’t buy your albums or come to your concerts. If they don’t buy your albums or come to your concerts, you owe the record company… BIG! All this Arab Money and all that, you are not getting it because your families have had it for years and you certainly have YET to earn it. When you INVEST your money in something other than grills, cars, chains with CEREAL BOXES on them, and hoes to the point that your GRANDCHILDREN and your GREAT GRANDCHILDREN won’t have to work, THEN you are getting Arab Money. Until that point, shut up & write a song about something DECENT so you don’t feel you “have to” turn around & apologize to your ignorant azz fan base for recording nonsense

5. Beyonce Fierce-

Here is an equation for you: Beyonce + personality – clothes = Sasha Fierce.

In other words, this is just Beyonce being who she really is, a warmed-over puff of mess that sings well & loves Bob Fosse. I am not going to delve any deeper, because I know that people loooove Beyonce & don’t like people saying nothing bad about her. ALL I am asking is that she stops with the Sasha Fierce foolishness! Sit down, enjoy married life & have some kids or something. You are oversaturating the market with shenanigans!

  6. Reality Shows about Reality “stars”-

Don’t get me wrong, I have been drawn into Real Chance of Love and the first season of Charm School & I think I enjoy I Love Money and the RW/RR challenges, but ENOUGH already! Reality Show spin-offs and MULTIPLE seasons of looking for love are cheesing me off. There used to be a time when you went on reality tv for the experience & 15 minutes of fame, now you go on reality tv to go on MORE reality tv. Geez LOUISE!

  7. Wearing tights & leggings as pants-

This needs its own entry! Fashion faux pas come later, but this needs to be done done done. Cover your butt! Pew! I don’t care if you have the body for it… I can see your panties! Opaque or not… I don’t want to see uninterrupted crotch or have feel like I have full access to yer booty. Pew, boo & bye!

           8.  Mariah Scary & Trick Cannon-

ARRRRGH! They are everywhere! Their whole life is one big photo op. And I am sick of looking at them. I am happy they’re “happy” REALLY I am. So I now want them to STOP convincing me or TRYING TO convince me of how happy they are. Please? Please? PLEASE!

 9. 30 being the new 20- (Shy)

GROW UP!

What is wrong with being a good old grown up? You can enjoy your life at ANY age. THAT is what that phrase was supposed to mean, but I have observed many people taking this to mean that they can act like a 20 year old or younger. Still pouting & throwing temper tantrums & being petty and thinking people care or WANT to care or TRY to care! Like my girl Shy said, “We got rising APRs to worry about,” No time to raise a grown woman (or man in some cases). Prioritize & recognize! Everyone has their own issues that are relevant to them and who said what to or about you or implied something about you, no one ELSE cares. They are balancing checkbooks, paying mortgages, filling out their FSA paperwork (smile ‘Toya) and cannot address your non-issue.

Like I said you CAN enjoy your adult life, but unless your career, family and finances were your TOP priorities when you were 20, it is time to get NEW priorities. Who said what, who likes who, who is going where and all that jazz should NOT be SO important that it becomes all you ever care about and you get angry when other people don’t want to discuss it and don’t care and you don’t understand why, it’s time to grow up!

10. Getting Brand new- (‘Toya)

“Talkin you gotta man, ok ma, AND?” – Jay-Z

There are a FEW types of brand new that I am OVER this year. One is when a man or a woman gets a new S.O. or flavor of the day, week, month and they are suddenly off the grid. No call, no email, no text, no facebook status updates unless they are talking about their new-new, no twitters, NADA! But when he’s gone they suddenly re-emerge. *fake smile* Hey, grrrrrrl!

There is also a reverse effect of this. You get a man and a friend suddenly falls off. You talk to them and they get short with you. Even general conversations seem strained. Eh?

There is no reason for any of it. Be over thine self in 2009. Stay the same, dog; don’t change.

  11. George W.-

The stock market, housing market, and banks have allllll crashed! People are pointing fingers, but there is only one person really to blame. He is the decider, right? I hope that his legacy is going quietly into that good night. They asked him the highlight of his presidency and he said catching a 7 lb. fish in his lake. People, we have finally discussed, dissected and discarded the 800 lb. gorilla in the room. CIAO!

  12. John McCain-

Go take a nap until Congress is back in session. Then when it is, sit quietly in the back of the room & grin & nod. Be EASY, don’t ruffle any feathers or start any fires, or blow any whistles. Just ENJOY your money (or hers) and your last days. I don’t wish you ANY ill, but I do wish you’d sit down in 2009. ‘Preciate it!

  13.  Sarah Palin-

NO MAS! The other grandmother of your child has been arrested on felony drug charges so you are the only good female role model the baby has! (How dramatical!!) But really, why are you TRYING to be Supermom? I don’t see or FEEL your passion. Ok, you are a nice looking woman who won an election in a state with waaaaay more moose than men & waaaaay more men than women.  Not really hard to do. But what WAS hard for you to do was sit down after you lost… I hope it gets muuuch easier in 2009 it only takes 28 days to form a habit, TRY IT!

  14. Wearing the WRONG looks: (Nikki, Rice, Mi, Erica, Melissa, Les)

·         BABY DOLL LASHES- or as Rice calls them spider lashes. Why is there a baby tarantula on your eye? Why do you look like when I lean you back your eyes automatically close, Betsy Wetsy?

·         Over-accessorized teens- in DC, our teens have a problem knowing when to SAY when. They were all of non existent in ’89 & now they are literally killing an era WE were already over.chains & chains & chains & pearls & beads AND hoop earrings AND jelly bracelets AND rings? All that? With your school uniform? Oh ok. STOP IT!

·          bright blue eye shadow and pink lipstick- it wasn’t cute in the 80s and it still is not.  Clown makeup is NEVER cute.

·          Catsuits- everything ain’t for everybody, but catsuits aren’t for ANYBODY, I mean it.

·          wide belts on big shirts worn by big girls- this wasn’t mine, but they have a point. Big belts are supposed to help, but after a certain size… I’m not sure.

·         skinny jeans on BOYS- some styles just come out looking effeminate. THIS IS THAT LOOK! There is a VERY happy medium between bagging & sagging and supatight & notright, FIND IT!

·         Sunglasses after dark- Gentlemen, unless you are blind or your prescription glasses have a tint, take that mess off!

·         cornrows- balding, greying, receding, OLDT… after a certain age, men should have a 5year plan to ditch the cornrows! Please? Thanks.

·         starter locs- if you don’t have locs by now… get over thy self!

  15. MySpace-

MySpace is the old, slutty meth-addicted sister of Facebook. Now that you have matured, you want to settle down with something a little more stable, less trashy, busy, tacky. Enter FACEBOOK - the networking page you can take home to mother! It is refined, it is sophisticated & officially addictive!

16. People not being honest with themselves-

It is cool to be confident, but if you are swaggerless, please stop claiming swag, men. And women, a stank attitude doesn’t make you a diva! I understand naming it & claiming it, but delusions of grandeur are committable offenses & by committable I mean the cute white jacket that lets you huuuuug yourself and nice room at Oak Haven with soft walls!

17.  invites clogging up my facebook inbox!!!

I apologize to anyone that sent me a Facebook message that I have not responded to, I have 27 invites to the SAME NON-events coming in everyday. I haven’t been YET and I likely am NOT coming. Send me ONE invite and let me decide if I want to look at it. I have already “unfriended” 2 people. Please don’t make me do that again!

18. Dumb celebrities- (Les, Mi, Val)

Athletes doing dumb stuff - *AHEM* Plaxico & OJ, I hope you have learned your lessons.   When the feds are after you they aren’t suddenly going to LEAVE you alone without making sure their case is CLOSED. Plaxico, why didn’t you get rid of the other guns??? Why did you even HAVE them in the first place? OJ, I thought you weren’t EVER going to sit down! WOW, thank goodness for justice forcing you to have a seat. Sit there and sit quietly and really THINK about what you did. And don’t do it again!

Celebrity baby names- Apple, Banana, Bronx, Brooklyn, StatenIsland, Knox, Nash, Fayette, Max, Emme, Gobo, Boober, Mokey, Red. STOP IT ALREADY! Your child now has to go through life with the same name as the feral child in The Jungle Book, congrats!

19.  Men with hormonal issues-

I have seen some things and heard some things that lead me to question some male’s hormonal balance. Sometimes I read things that make me wonder if the guy typing them isn’t at the keyboard weeping silently into his hanky. Is you CRYING? Huh?

It is cool to be sensitive, but to be HORMONAL? Your mood depends on your luteal cycles (look it up, I don’t have time to explain) and the phases of the moon??? If you don’t like when EYE hormonal, how & why do you think it is ok for YOU to be hormonal? You can’t get upset because women won’t let men be men & then YOU turn around & ultimately start acting like a girl. Please see #9… CEASEANDDESIST!

20. Paying SO much for SO little-

You can thank W. & his boys for this one. He (and by he, I mean Cheyney, the REAL POTUS) was so busy trying to make sure his boys were taken care of that he forgot about the  people he was HIRED to take care of! Even my cheap bagged cereal has gotten smaller, but the price hasn’t.  $30 for a half a tank of gas for a CAMRY wasn’t cool either. And now, especially in DC, people expect you to pay for parties and you get there & there is no real party- A crap DJ & people standing around looking at you looking at them looking at you. Paying for a cabaret and all you get is a crap DJ, ice, & men smelling like Hennesy & weed trying to grind on you & touch you with their ashen hands. (oh, sorry that is a DC thing)

21.  The rich getting richer while more & more people are becoming the poor-

Self-explanatory! In order for you to maintain your 5 houses, private jets, and wife’s $10,000 a month shopping habit; you have to let go of the little people? Or let the whole company fold… who cares? You got yours! Or go to the government and ask those with less to give you more? When do people start helping people? Not just enough to make them feel less guilty, but enough to make a difference?

Then they wonder why so many people are being robbed & killed for what seems like no reason. There IS a reason, they are poor now, thanks to you. And the best thing you can think to do is ask the lady behind the counter at Chanel if she has any white bags so no one knows you have been spending more in one trip than most people collect in one welfare check. SHAME ON YOU!

22.  Pity parties-

Boo hoo, my life is sooooo bad! Everyone has their MOMENTS. But when your whole year has been one long pity party? It is time to bust those balloons & pull yourself up by your boot straps. I told a friend earlier this year, drama can really only affect you if you invite it or invent it. With SOME exceptions, this is true. If you want to complain & cry for days, weeks, months on end & never really DO anything about it, I will be marking “NO” on that evite, SORRY! See #9.

23. pick up lines-

No I didn’t bring you lunch, no I will not get you any money out of the ATM & no I will NOT smile for you. I k now I am sexy, beautiful, pretty… I mean I look at myself EVERYDAY! HA!

I am of an age where I prefer genuine, natural conversation. Stop trying to FORCE conversation & use segues and in-roads or whatever. If the woman is worth anything, your lines will go ignored or met with a fake smile and a BRISK walk away. Say Hello and ask MAYBE one other question, stop trying to run game. Game is soooo last decade.

24. Being black being  just ONE thing-

There are SOME things SOME of us have in common, but for goodness sakes, we are DIVERSE. If President-Elect Obama is not proof positive of that, I don’t know WHAT is!

TVs, movies and the NEWS don’t help. There are plenty of Black people that likely subscribe to the ONE type of Black people doctrine. I too watch the news & shake my head at what I see there, but I distance myself from foolishness regardless of the color of the person’s skin. When a white person does something crazy, no one thinks it a conversation-starter to ask the nearest white person how they feel about it, just because they are white. But let something happen to a Black person, and suddenly all black people have an opinion on it & it is ok to ask it.

EVERYONE, stop watching so much TV, stop believing the newspapers and get out & meet real people. I can tell you there needs to be some more diverse characters in movies that are more like ME… I am complex & multi-faceted, not a singer, stripper, sexpot, golddigger, backstabber, victim of the system or crackhead.

25.  Thinking racism is dead-

It is now even MORE overt… being passed off as comedy like Amos N Andy… or thought of as freedom of speech like cross burnings. NO! Racism went underground for a while, but now that the President-Elect is one Barack Obama; the sheet has been thrown off! We see you and I am fairly certain that it will no longer be tolerated or taken so lightly.

You can’t expect to correct CENTURIES of undereducation, miseducation, systematic disregard in a few decades with a few half-hearted, misadministered programs. Get your heads out of the clouds, please? Thanks.

26.  Corrupt Politicians- (Mi)

From selling senate seats, getting all gay  in the men’s bathroom in airports, and queers who come out and ruin the family image and break up there hetero marriages… corruption in politics has been the big darn deal this year & I really hope that we can leave this behind in the 09.

27.  The RNC-

See ABOVE… Barack the Magic Negro INDEED! I don’t care whose party you USED to be. Look at what your party has BECOME!

28.  REAL criminals not REALLY being punished-

How are you still walking the streets & you stole THOUSANDS of people’s WHOLE LIVES. And someone’s little cousin is in jail for YEARS for stealing someone’s purse. Riddle me that?

See # 21. Upper echelon friends are a nice thing to have. But even real friends make sure you do the right thing and get everything you deserve… good or bad.

29.  Movies & tv shows about other movies & tv shows-

There is truly nothing new under the sun. Every other movie is based on an old movie or tv show. “Snore pie with yawn sauce!” (Red Fraggle). There are plenty of things that have not been covered, thousands of stories that haven’t been told. At one point, I think my life really WAS some sort of Truman Show because you really couldn’t WRITE this.

But nooooo, you want to make TV shows based on European shows and movies based on old movies. If you need some fresh Ideas, I have a few!

30.  Refusing to leave the past IN the past-

Exes are exes for a reason! Getting in contact with old flames… stoking long cold coals. It is over, let it go; especially when one or BOTH of you is in a relationship. Don’t it always seem to go, that you don’t know what’ you’ve got til it’s gone! I am leaving it BEHIND next year and you… should… too

have a happy new year!

What the hot buttered snot is going on in Illinois? The governor went all old school gangsta on them- talking reckless & shaking folks down like “WHAT!?!?” (I love/hate that phrase) Blogjog, as I call him has really been real Kanye West with his i.e., saying & doing whatever he wants! Must be an Illinois thing. R. Kelly, pees on who he wants. Kanye says what he wants. Blogjog shakesdown who he wants. And in the midst of all of this, Poor President-Elect Obama sits, once again being dragged into foolishness because he associated with a man that associated with foolishness. This is a damned if you do, damned if you don’t situation for him. Obama said he didn’t have any unsavory dealings with the man, but that wasn’t good enough. The media want to know if he knew this man was up to no good and if so why didn’t he dime him out. Why didn’t you dime out your crackhead uncle? Your embezzelling daddy? Your stealing from Wal-mart grandmother? I am not going to weigh in on it, I just want you all to think about that.

Illinois is just one of 50 states and territories that Obama has to worry about. He is pretty much being charged with cleaning up the biggest, most ignorant and reckless frat party EVER! And the media is worried about why he never cleaned his room.  PISHAW! Poor, poor JJJ, I hope he wasn’t involved in this blatant disregard for the law, ethics, and common sense. This is the information age no one goes unnoticed, you can only fly under the radar but SO long especially in the public eye. So young JJJ, I hope you are honest & integritous (is that a word yet?)

And finally, I would like to call SHENANIGANS on Oprah. YOUNG LADY, get over thine self! You know good & goshdarn well you didn’t SUDDENLY gain 60 pounds! Just like I am lying to myself about sudenly gaining 25. First of all, it happens! Just because people put you on a pedastal, The Oprah is a human being… it is ok. I forgive you. Secondly, WE saw you getting bigger, you don’t have to act like we didn’t. and lastly, who cares you are The Oprah! Enjoy it, honey! Live your good life, don’t let these folks out here have you DYING to be thin. Skinny people die of heart disease too. Have some pie for me, girrrrl, because I can’t afford bigger clothes so I gotta lose this weight. You got options… USE THEM!

I am sick of DC clubs. First Dream “closed” and Love “opened”. The Republic Gardens changed hands, closed, mutated, closed, reopened, popped locked & dropped & now The Republic is there. #1 I will forever refer to Love as Dream because I have only been a HANDFUL of times since it became “Love The Club Dot Com”. That is the onliest way I will refer to it as Love…

I recently heard that Avenue closed… BOO HOO! I hated that place it was cold & impersonal and COLD! BUt this isn’t about my club review. This is about the GRAND OPENING of Luxe Nightclub. The ad said it was downtown??? next to the convention center?? on New York Avenue?? HOLD UP! I googled the address & sure as you been born, it was AVENUE.

I just recieved an evite and INCESSANT previous invites to Muse Nightclub. In Chinatown??? Across from Verizon Center??? HOLD UP! I googled the address…. RNR!?!? I looooved RNR. Hassan is/was the best bartender EVER! but I heard RNR was closing for condos. Stop trying to make residential downtown DC happen! (I love Mean Girls) But yeah, it was just turned into what the FOOLS living in Penn Quarter (STOP trying to make residential downtown DC happen) were told would be a jazz lounge. Well let me tell those folks living in Penn Quarter something, judging from whom I recieved this Evite, Muse is & or WILL BE the polar opposite.

They start up these clubs with the BEST of intentions… but you know what they say about the road to hell…

Ibiza is a prime example… I went to the grand opening with DJ AM & Kim Whoredashian & the chicks hanging from the ceiling & all the hoopla & pomp & circumstance & rules & dress codes. And now what? they hold go-gos there. OH how the mighty have fallen!

There USED to be a formula for what worked. And all this fake bougie, exclusive, uppity isn’t it. I am not saying let every fire breathing dragon in with his Hennesy breathed crew! But if you don’t see that this thing is BROKE and MUST be fixed. I don’t know what to tell you. I have long since retired from the happy hour every other night & clubbing on Thursday, Friday & Saturday. But I would like to know that when I DO want to go out. I have options & those options aren’t hood, uppity, or just plain WACK!

I will be keeping an eye & ear out for Luxe & Muse (not really). I wish you the best of luck (not really).

I’m not hating, I’m just stating!

Wednesday used to be my DND night, but last night… Tuesday turned me out!The Real Housewives of Atlanta Reunion show and Keyshia Cole- The Way It Is made for some good reality tv last night. Tonight the Obamas & Barbara Walters will have me captivated so Top Chef will have to wait! BUT, back to the lecture @ hand. Let’s start with the Real Houswives of Atlanta Reunion Show.

“Real” Housewives of Atlanta Reunion

I was watching in amazement at how DELUSIONAL Kim is. Does she really think she can miraculously sing? She is a wreck, a mess and a tragedy. At first I was just going to REMEMBER everything & blog from memory, but after the first commercial break or so… I had to take notes. How DARE Kim start crying and IMPLYING she had cancer- You do NOT play with the big “C”, girl. Then the airhead didn’t even CLARIFY until later. Girl, don’t play! You lost 25 lbs. & your hair started falling out and the doctor was 90% sure it was cancer… and when the host asks her point blank did she have cancer she starts moaning and carrying on as if she did. Here’s the thing, I still didn’t feel bad for her. Now can you tell me I am the only one? No! No. Andy Cohen was a good one, because I would have popped her in the back of that wigged head! And I feel GYPPED because I SWEAR I missed Kim talking about her wig squeezing her head. I was ready to LOL at that one, just to see how she fit that in there!

Now what really struck me was the STAGING. Kim & Sheree on one side and NeNe, Lisa, and Deshawn on the other. As I watched the season I realized that Kim & Sheree had one very IMPORTANT thing in common, DELUSIONS OF grandeur! Sheree and her divatude and the clear fact that she thought she was the best thing since sliced bread & the diaphragm. Honey, HUSH! You and your seven-figure divorce settlement and gay cavalcade of friends are enough to make me want to just stab something. Just STOP! And Kim, Kim, Kim, Kim… poor old-faced 29 year old living-off-a-married-man Kim. Get a JOB, sweetie! Maybe when you can make enough money to buy a CLUE! But I think that Kim & Sheree DESERVE each other, they both are delusional, disloyal and disgusting.

By a show of hands, who was surprised to find out that NeNe & Sheree were friends before the show started? *surveys the room* Uh, huh… me too! SO glad I’m not alone here. NeNe strikes me as the type that will say things to your face AND behind your back, my kind of girl. I mean, NeNe is HILARIOUS she understood the comedic value of everything and above all else she was REALISTIC. I cannot imagine her and Sheree as friends, Sheree spends so much time PLAYING coy mistress, she can’t even have fun, I bet. Andy told her her clothing line wasn’t going to keep her warm at night; translation: “Quit playing, bych, you need a man!”

So let’s toss Kim & Sheree to the side, so they can lie & delude each other into oblivion, shall we? Let us move on to Lisa. I feel bad that her husband had a “grand opening, grand closing” moment with the Raiders, but how bad do you have to be to get released from the freaking RAIDERS? Anyway, Lisa looks a little odd to me; I cannot quite put my finger on it… otherworldly or something. But when she said: “Eff you Kim, I will flip you over that couch!” I believed it & she instantly became my fave! I knew that had Kim called HER a bych, she would have come at her like a spider monkey. And I soooo wanted to see it! But Lisa was dead on, Kim needed medication, because she was so obviously lying about EVERYTHING she said. I wish her & her husband the best in allll their ventures.Now Deshawn just kinda sat there looking cheap in the face. I swear she talks like a feral child (think of Jodie Foster in Nell). I am glad her soul has ben anchored in the Lord and ALL that, but can she needs speech therapy before she preaches her first sermon. And, uuuuh, not to be funny but, how is it possible to go to Divinity School online, how are you too busy to make time for the LORD… Something about that whole scenario is just WRONG!

I would be remiss if I didn’t mention that Dwight came flouncing in looking like the damn VAMPIRE in Brooklyn!

The Way It Is

In all honesty, when Keyshia Cole first came out, I didn’t like her. She was a hot ghetto mess & I thought she was just another non-singing hood chick who was “effing for tracks” (hey hey hey, those are Dallas Austin’s words [not in reference to Keyshia, but you get it] NOT MINE). As I slowly started getting sucked into watching The Way It Is because my sister used to watch it EVERYTIME it was on. Everytime? Yes, EVERYTIME! I have to watch this show in real time because I don’t want the spie sin my DVR notifying the powers-that-be that I actually WATCH BET… LORD FORBID!

I only have a FEW comments about this show because Frankie weighs on my SOUL, she does! Neffe has little people hands… like stubby Vienna sausages!! OMG! I was a little disappointed in Whitney Phipps being on there, but he is her pastor, so… *shrug*.

Now Frankie is the walking, talking proof of the old adage: Once a crackhead, Always a crackhead! She is everything sad & funny about a crackhead. And I truly feel for Neffe because she tries to love that woman and that woman insists on showing out & STYLING on her every chance she gets!

 Pastor Phipps told her she had to stop trying to make things better all by herself between 2 adults. Keyshia could benefit from listening to a little Project Pat: Don’t save her, she don’t wanna be saved! And by “her” I mean her entire family, they are doing very little as a whole to save themselves. And what is up with her foster mother where does she get those wigs? Shytty Wig Emporium????

Frankie… your man??? Frankie… your man! I mean her BOYFRIEND is literally a boy… and all Neffe could say was he’s cuter than the last one. *smh* He is barely out of puberty & he has gold teeth. But I guess if he has never been to jail (in his adult life of 2.5 years) and doesn’t do drugs (marijuana isn’t a drug) then hey, he is a catch. BET still has the LOUDEST commercials ever… I remember having to turn the volume down all the time! But what is up with those Dr. Miracle commercials? They are low budget & Dr. Miracle can’t talk… he sounds like he is related to DeShawn Snow. UGH!

Out of alllll those kids Frankie had, Keyshia is the cutest one? Neffe cleaned up WELL for her book cover, but they lightened her waaay up, WOW! 

And after allll that drama, I turn to see who won Dancing with the Stars & the ish is STILL on!  I  was going to watch it until I realized Miley Sinus was going to perform, so I went ahead & called it a night, UGH! Way to RUIN a results show! 

I’m not hating, I’m just stating!

IT JUST HIT ME… i KNOW WHAT THE MYSTERIOUS DISEASE IS KIM HAD…. ANOREXIA LIEVOSA!

There have been some stories in the gossip blogs I subscribe to via Reader about celebrities that I am just feeling like they need help, some NON-yes men to guide them in the right direction, so in no particular order, here goes:

Tyra Banks:

You GO, girl; you do your thing; I ain’t mad atcha; do you, boo… and that other cliche slang meaning, I am half-assed encoraging you because I don’t REALLY like what you are doing, but hey, you are successful at it!

Yesterday I read Tyra “surprised” Miz Isis King of PG County with a gender-reassignment surgery. Tyra, baby, what are you doing? This isn’t a new car, or clothes, or toys. You are going the Extreme Makeover route, unsolicited. It’s not like Isis wrote in to your show & asked (or maybe (s)he did). Regardless, there is something so CRAZY about this surprise. Does Isis get to choose the doctor? Is there some sort of catalogue (s)he gets to peruse before deciding on a va-jay-jay? I am just totally confused by this “gesture”… I understand you want to be this generations Oprah, but somehow you are doing it wrong.

 Lindsay Lohan:

Clearly your mom has not told you or you have not listened: SIT YOUR AZZ DOWN SOMEWHERE! I don’t care where OR with whom. Just sit! Be still! Be quiet! Be reflective! But for goodness sake BE GONE! I am so tired of seeing her raggedy face in every other blog I read. I don’t care if you are gay or if your are in the closet or if you are lost and turned out. I DO care that you are or SHOULD BE irrelevant yet you are constantly and consistently in my Reader looking like an oldt hoe! You are only 22 yet you look like you have more miles on you than a retreaded tire on a cross-country big rig. I hope you get a hold of yourself before you end up a tragic, sullen-faced, botoxed, detoxed hoe puff of mess on the 4th season of Dr. Drew’s Celebrity Rehab. Go to your quiet place & remain there until further notice.

Nick & Mariah:

I have broken my promise to myself that I would not discuss this mish-mash of a couple. But thanks to Black Snob I have had no choice but to look at this mess everyday. If they are happy, GREAT! If they are preggers, AWESOME! But why is their whole happy, preggers coupledom a gyadamm photo op???

Are you trying to convince ME or YOU?? HUH? Nick, you haven’t been CUTE since The Nick Cannon Show & you haven’t been RELEVANT since Drumline regardless of what your IMDB page says… You are wack and your “wife” is wacked out! I love love & I am all for it, but I also know love when I see it & neither of you are good actors… ok? ok. If you are really in love, I beg of thee to go softly into that good night & keep your maniacal. oh-my-gawd-look-at-us love to yourselves! please & thank you!

Kim Zsleazeback (UNreal Housewife of Atlanta):

A- you are not a wife, you are a jump-off…

B- You can’t sing… stop trying to be a country singer… That is like me waking up and wanting to be a world-class ice skater

c- you are NOT 29, not on this planet or any other… not even in reverse dog years!

D- You CANNOT SING!

For those of you with sense that REFUSE to get sucked into the cess pool that is Real Housewives of Atlanta, Kim is the token white girl with the plastic Barbie wig setting atop her head… yes SETTING! She has 2 kids & an anonymous donor named Big Papa who gives her money in exchange for her “friendship”. She had once claimed to be engaged to this married man, but we know how THAT turns out, right?

Kim has befriended a fellow delusional housewife who, after 3 years of trying to get a divorce hopes to get 7 figures out of the deal. And I don’t think she means Partridge Family collectible dolls (if you include the band manager). My advice to Kim is STOP! Whatever you are doing, don’t! Whatever you may think is the next step, isn’t. Whatever you are dreaming of, wake up! You are a mother of two DAUGHTERS, they learn by example… be a better one! Get a life coach, I will do it… and if that doesn’t work, I have a friend we call Dr. Mimi who has a cure-all for what ails ya. I won’t go into detail now, but trust me her solution is sure-fire, but definitely a last resort!

And Kim, please use your credit cards to purchase a clue! because anytime you cannot interpret a conversation like this, you got issues:

I’m not hating, I’m just stating!

FINALLY, I have my thoughts together so that I may complete this blog with the respect, reverence and dignity it deserves.

Last week, I spent HOURS on my feet for one Barack Obama.  Monday, I stood for hours in Manassas Park waiting for President Elect Obama to address the crowd. He was scheduled to be there at 9 PM and he did not arrive until almost 10:30 PM. We had gotten to the venue after 5 PM and when we left it was well after 11. That is 6 plus hours of standing in the COLD on a school night! I cannot describe the feeling in the air. Sharing my space with 80,000 people some of whom were ruder than others. But MOST of whom knew, in their hearts, they were a part of history. After what had to be the most PAINFUL liver performance I have ever had to suffer through and listening to the  Obama camps soundtrack AD NAUSEUM, President-Elect Obama took the stage. And he made me believe that he was not only going to win over Virginia, but also the world.

The next morning I woke up too late to try and drive to MD to vote in the morning from Manassas. I left work early and got to the polling place JUST in time to avoid having to stand in the rain BEFORE standing inside in line. I was disappointed to see so many black people showing out. And by that I mean this:

There was an older lady a few people ahead of me asking one of the volunteers how long she would have to stand in line. The volunteer informed her that if she didn’t want to stand, she could take a ticket and have a seat and they would call her into the polling place when a handicapped voting booth became available. She  told her that it was a courtesy to seniors and the disabled. It seems the older lady did not want to stand in line, she wanted to draaaag a chair around in the line with her so she could sit when she was ready to sit,  therefore, the volunteer offered her an alternative. But, as it turns out the older lady wasn’t disabled or really even OLD, she was just LAZY! She didn’t want to wait PERIOD, and for some reason she thought that because she was old & ornery she wouldn’t have to. When the volunteer informed her that the wait was LONGER to sit and wait than to stand in the line, she BALKED! Someone further up in the line let her up, but it DISAPPOINTED me that this woman, on the eve of such an important, life-changing event she was disagreeable, and LAZY!

Another lady walks up to the volunteer and asks what did you say about the seats and tickets. The volunteer says, POLITELY: “The seats and tickets are for seniors, are you a senior?” To which the lady replies in the SNIPPIEST of manners: “I LIVE in SO & SO community so you might as well SAY that.” Now mind you the volunteer was BEING polite, because I could tell the snippy lady had a mental disability, which I know the volunteer was THINKING, but who ASKS someone if they are handicapped? So the volunteer tells the lady the same thing…. you take a ticket, you have a seat, we call you when we call you but it may take longer than standing in line. The snippy lady rolls her eyes at the volunteer and says: “I’ll just stand in line then, shoooot!” ASTOUNDING… These people were trying to use their age & unspoken handicap to essentially “bust in line”. Stand there, feel the ENERGY, be part of history & have some PRIDE about yourself.

After 1.5 hours of snaking through the community center, I voted for Senators Obama and Biden! I looked at the summary TWICE, I reviewed my votes on the telecommunications tax and went back one more time just to make sure I voted for Obama/Biden then I went home to prepare for the historical evening. I went to a spot downtown that I have never had the desire to visit before, but because my  boyfriend wanted to go, I went. (Look @ me compromising) but not for long. The place was shoulder to shoulder with uppity, over dressed folks. Did you really wear those white(or are they silver)  stockings and brown boots to work, hun? Do you always wear a bow tie & 3-piece suit to the office, young man? Once I MUSCLED my way through the crowd, I found my boyfriend and told him I could NOT stay there. That compromise didn’t last long, huh? We go down to U Street and I am FINALLY able to sit DOWN! State by state, we cheer each time one goes to Obama. I look at the map on CNN & whisper to my boyfriend, “I think Virginia was blue.”Of course, he missed it. The polls close on the east coast and finally, after building the suspense. They call VA for Obama. Instantly people get on their cell phones & I cannot make a call out! They start blasting music through the club & I ask the beau if he is ready to leave. We walk to the corner of 14th & U and realize there is a PARTY going on! we cheer and cry & dance in the street for over an hour!

NO, your eyes doth not deceiveth thee, I took the NEXT step ot of the Dark ages & used my own video from  my own cellular phone. Ain’t you so proud?

Wednesday, I lazed around in the bed watching the news & FoxNews, MSNBC, CN, QVC, HGTV… I kiiid, I kid. I only watched the CREDIBLE news channels until about noon. I KIND of wished I had gone to work to look those McCainiacs in their crestfallen faces. But, after work, I realized I didn’t get a daggone PAPER! But my email group informed me they were REPRINTING and REDELIVERING them to local stores. I immediately went to STAND for Obama for the third day in a row! After 2 hours & NO paper, I find out that there will be commemorative editions sold the next morning. I went home!

Thursday morning, I get up before the sun to stand in line for an hour at 7-11. When the delivery man finally arrives, the RUDY at the counter begins to harass him about how many papers he has brought & makes him count them out. Meanwhile, the 4 others who stood in line with me wnat their commemorative editions also. I got out to the delivery truck and purchase two special editions for $1.50.

FINALLY, I get to have a seat… FINALLY satisfied that I witnessed history, I helped make history, and now I have a piece of history! The week was tiring, and wore on my patience, nerves and emotions, but I would not change it for the WORLD!

As the days go on, I become prouder and prouder of the decision I made in that voting booth. This man is the REAL American dream. He gives everyone hope. Hope that this country had lost. This fatherless child found success, love and faith in a country that had never really belonged to HIM. Whoopi Goldberg said last Wednesday that she felt she could finally put down her suitcase. For so long, so many Blacks in this country felt like foster children. SFar too often we were made to feel like guests in what was supposed to be our home, while the “biological children” had the run of the house there were still things we weren’t allowed to do and parts of the house we weren’t allowed in. Feeling like at ANY moment, social services would come take us away so we always kept our bags packed under the bed JUST in case we were taken away or had to RUN away. Sometimes being too scared to question the house rules or rock the boat because we were unsure what might happen. But finally, the papers are signed and we have a permanent home; OFFICALLY part of the family. But like any adoptive family, there are those members that still don’t want us around and slowly but surely they are finding they can no longer hide their TRUE feelings and are becoming the NEW talk of the family. Don’t worry, they will soon realize they are the NEW outsiders and their issues will NOT go undiscussed as before.

But I digress, President-Elect Barack H. Obama is FOCUSED on the things that REALLY matter in this country. The national economy and the way the world views the United States. I was AMAZED to find out that one of his FIRST orders of business, is to bring the prisoners of Guantanamo Bay to trial and shut that TRAVESTY of humanity DOWN! I couldn’t even remember the last time I thought about GitMo let alone the last time President Bush addressed it. And here Obama is making it one of his FIRST orders of business. I believe in him and a MAJORITY of the civically  responsible Americans do too. With the support of the nation and the world watching, I pray for him and this country as we combat and overcome centuries of inhumane and imperial policies, treatments and mindsets. Senator Obama has restored my faith in this country, this government and Black love! (I can only PRAY my relationship has that SPARK the Obamas have!)

YES WE CAN!

YES WE DID!

YES WE WILL! 

Trust me when I tell y’all this blog took ALOT out of me! and I didn’t even put alll my thoughts on here!

Right now I am speechless & also waiting for ELizabeth Hasselbecks head to explode in a few minutes, if there is a GOD!

But don’t worry your pretty little heads. I got something good working. including video live from U street NW last night!

Ok, I said I wasn’t going to blog about politics anymore, but much like the political candidates around election time, I LIED!

I was watching The View (because I am a sucker for punishment & I like to see if today is the day that Elizabych HasselBLECH’s head will explode!) and Lizzy asked Joy if she would like more of the Obama Kool-Aid. Initially, my friends were upset about this remark because of the implications of Kool-Aid and black people. Subsequently, I found THIS foolishness on the interwebs:

This was sent out by The Chaffey Community Republican Women and is by far the dumbest, most desperate piece of CRAP I have ever seen. Playing upon the baseless fears of a man who grew up MUCH the same way most of the people who are against him did. He probably didn’t even drink Kool-Aid as a kid. But that is not the point, here. *staring at the foolishness alittle while longer*

Back to The View, I informed my friends that Elizabych was likely referencing Jim Jones, the charismatic leader that lead all of those people to Guyana and had them commit suicide. They informed me that I was giving her too much credit. And they were right. Like everything else she says, she was repeating some foolishness she heard someone else say. That someone was Bill Oh ‘ REALLY? When he said it later on in the show, I remembered having heard him say similar things about other liberals prior to primaries & beyond. I used to listen to Bill Oh’REALLY? on WJFK all the time because he was SO angry and SO worked up & SO not doing anything more than talking & writing & ranting about it. I found it fascinating how he could be so bitter in America as a white man. FASCINATING!

Libby is a Republican robot whose only means of defense is offense. If the subject is Sarah Palin she talks about Obama. If the subject is John McCain, she talks about Obama. If the subject is Joe Six-pack, the plumber, or Biden, she talks about Obama. She seems to be wrapped up in the Obamania just as much as anyone else, if not more, because ALL SHE can talk about is Obama. Yes, it is negative, but all publicity is good publicity, no?

Everyday she sits there with her back straight and her ass tight looking cheap in the face!  Terrified that Obama will win and she will have to live her life in fear of something OTHER than the Bush Regime? … having to drink the Kool-Aid? … a black man running the country? (oh no I didn’t! oh yes I did) Anyone who has watched The View knows that Mrs. Hasselblech lives in her own world where things just don’t apply to her.

• People who go on reality tv are the worst people in the world, she says (that is a paraphrase). Then someone points out she got her “start” on Survivor. She says that is different because she went on Survivor because she likes to challenge herself. GIRL WHAT? There are people that like to challenge themselves everyday that don’t feel the need to go on television to do it.
• People who think that the country is still racist are CRAZY! Whoopi Goldberg herself SCOFFS at her and says it exists. She doesn’t believe it and because she doesn’t believe it then it therefore doesn’t exist. She cries during the discussion about the”N” word because in HER world no one says it & no one should say it & lions live with lambs & blah blah blaaaaah!
• The RNC spent $150,000 of taxpayer money to “upgrade” Sarah Palin. In HER world this is the same as Obama using his donations to pay MILLIONS for a 30 minute commercial. Aren’t donations SUPPOSED to go to help the campaign? Honey, WHAT!!!!!?!?!?

if you didn’t see this CLASSIC clip from Bill Oh’Really please u tube and or goog.le it

Yesterday, Leavemebych, had on a Great Ameri(Mc)cain Hero shirt (yeah I didn’t get it either). It turns out that she designed the shirt… YAAAAY BOOOO! But no one else has officially endorsed anyone on the show. So why did she feel she needed to? Oh yeah, she has been sippin the Kool-Aid- both the McCain Kool-Aid AND the Obama Kool-Aid (she just haaassss to get a taste).

Let me just say this, Lizzy, let it go! McCain has! He pulled out of Michigan, he is pulling out of Colorado, HELL McCain has done more pulling out in the last month than a Catholic couple practicing the rhythm method. The signs are all around, honey. McCain has peed in your cup & convinced you it was lemonade, poor thing. Meanwhile, we’re at the Obama party where he is turning water into wine, right? HA! I in NO WAY think Obama is the messiah, but I d think he is the better man for the job.

Libby, this big, ice cold mason jar filled with swamp water Kool-Aid (grape and lemon lime flavor mixed so it turns black) with EXTRA EXTRA sugar, is for YOU!

CHEERS!

First let me say, hello… how have you been? I have been GRRRRRRRRREAT! Getting wooed out of my SHOES & loving it!

NOW, let’s move on.

I just saw a commercial for Coolio’s reality show. Ummm, who was requesting this? Who was seeking this out? Who was sitting at home thinking: “HEY, I wonder what happened to that WACKARD Coolio and all those kids he had with his former crackheadself?” To quote Erykah Badu, CERTAINLY not me! The more shows the come up with the LESS likely I am to tune in, though Stylista is on my MIGHT see TV list. But that wasn’t even what I wanted to say, but it just happened that the commercial came on as I decided to blog.

So back to the lecture @ hand! I watched Real Chance of Love starring those awesomely likable homothugs Real & Chance. Those that are unfamiliar with reality tv on VH1 have NO CLUE who I am talking about & I am not going to take the time to explain, so I advise you to Wikipedia it! Don’t worry, I won’t wait. Well the daggone show is HILARIOUS, Chance’s hair was perpetually moist & his humor was FANTASTIC! Real did not disappoint in the role of the supporting fagctor.now here is where the proof that I watch too much reality TV comes in. Despite them putting that big horse stable facade on it & switching up the decor, I recognized the Surreal Life house!(Again, if you don’t get it, you don’t get it.)

Then as I was allowing Scream Queens (a show searching for the next female star of Saw 69 or whatever number they are on) to watch me on the television and I looked up just in time to realize that they are living in the same house as the guys on From Gs to Gents. It is then that I realized, I play too much. Why do I know these things, recognize them, and then let people know that I know. *smh* One good thing about this discovery is that VH1 isn’t wasting money, I guess, right?

AAAAANYWHO… I want the “ladies” from Rock of Love to CHOKE! Charm School my AZZ! You are NOT better than the first & original with the “ladies” from Flavor of Love. And finally, I want to say… after Real & Chance NO MORE “wookin pa nub in aww da wong paces” type shows, VH1. Just start calling your shows what they are like: “Attention Whores Starting Fights over Some Trick They Hardly Know” or “Girls on the Low Self Esteem Team in Search of Their Fifteen Minutes of Fame Because Their Daddies’ Didn’t Love Them”. Stop trying to trick people into believing that you really CARE that these people are searching for “love” you care that these people are searching for attention. DAMN THAT WRITER’S STRIKE for making those people you HATED in high school famous. PEW!

PREFACE: I made one change to this blog because it was pointed out to me that I wrote something inaccurate and I made another change to clarify that I am in NO WAY blind to the heroism of John McCain. Please do not use your comments here to give props to John McCain this is about ME, not you! CARRY ON!

I was going to try to keep this blog about what I learned about life & love, but John McCain has tap-danced on my last nerve with his shenanigans! He is alllll show. Allllll talk. His V.P.? Is allll looks. It wasn’t until I saw The View Monday that I realized the Tina Fey sketch was word for word. Anyway, here goes.

Dear John McCain,

I used to think you were a pretty swell guy. I used to think that you really deserved a shot at the presidency.  A SHOT, not the presidency itself. But THEN, you got underhanded. THEN you started making grandiose statements including suspending your campaign to focus on the economic crisis, but as of 9:42 AM on Tuesday September 30, 2008, your President is still urging for a resolution. I have it on good authority that despite your assurance to do all you could to make sure the bailout bill passed, when it did not you went out to dinner with Joe Lieberman and your wives, were you discussing the crisis then? I mean this was only the most important thing you have voted on this year since you haven’t been at a Senate roll call since April. I am on to you! You can spout experience until you are blue in the face, but you are not USING it to do a daggone thing thus far other than using it as a crutch to limp your way into the White House. So, here we are closing in on your Veep’s debut in the unscripted debate. Are you shaking in your boots at what she might say? Are you sure she has been briefed, rebriefed and briefed again & again & again & again & again?

Senator McCain, I want to congratulate you for having the people fooled. For using your shortarmedness (read: telling & retelling & telling again of your heroic P.O.W. story… it is a POWERFUL story, but that doesn’t make everything you did thereafter RIGHT!)  to strong arm your way into the GOP nomination. You have been in the political game for a looooooooooooooong time, but what have you done other than having the highest missed vote count this year more than a man with a BRAIN HEMMORRHAGE and flying to every country on the planet. Quizbeggastan: been there, Yugoslavia: been there, the moon: been there & played tennis with Don Cornelius.

You recently played Super Save-A-Hoe for your Veep Nom with Katie Couric, who has NEVER been known as a hardball journalist. Yet, you had to fly in and save her from the scary lady. Senator McCain, this was foolishness and transparent. Sarah Palin is not a victim of the media elite. She is a victim of your vindictive and manipulative campaign. I feel sorry for her because she has NO idea what she has gotten herself into and neither do you.

Sincerely,

Everyone not involved in your campaign that lives in a purple or blue state with all of their teeth, no racial bias, some semblance of an education, an inability to be easily swayed, and an income WELL below what YOU think is middle-class.