Jul 07 2008
Seriously, Have You looked in the Mirror this MILLENNIUM?
Let me start off by saying I am not a shallow person… 
I think some say: If you have to tell people you ARE NOT a certain way, then you likely are? *girlish giggle*
So back to ME! I work in an area frequented by and populated with men I refer to as “the defend-ANT”. I work at Judiciary Square, so named for it’s lovely attractions: the police HQ & DC courthouse. YAY!
This is an area where you CANNOT assume every man with a suit and a folder or briefcase is a lawyer. MOST times, if you look carefully, the suit is too big or dusty, it is accompanied by either Nike boots or Timbs, and there is likely a tattoo of some sort ABOVE the neckline. All dead giveaways that this guy is not a lawyer, but a CLIENT. It took a little while for me to catch on. One fine August day as I was walking to the train station, I noticed a young man in all black: longsleeved shirt, black sweatpants, and Nike Boots. August in this area is like High noon in HELL! So it sent up a red flag right away. That was when I took a closer look at his boots- they lacked laces. I thought to myself: Why would he be dressed so inappropriately for the weather and why wouldn’t he have laces in his boots …………….
Oh, I get it, he just got out. 
So today, as I try my damnedest to walk across the street to grab my food and come RIGHT back without drawing any attention or making any eye contact, it happened. I was eye-stalked by a most hideous creature: part predator, part Harry and the Hendersons, part Pizza the Hut (yeah, I did it, I made a Spaceballs reference) for those keeping a running tally that’s THREE parts disgusting! He looked at me as if I were naked & walking directly at him offering him up the good good. What in fact happened was he was crossing my path & appeared to be slowing down so me being the good-at-faking-oblivious-but-actually-being-very-attentive woman that I am, went into code orange- HIGH ALERT! I didn’t mean to make eye contact, but it was unavoidable and his smile was more horrfiying than a trashcan full of dead puppies! JUST TRAGIC!But he really looked interested in saying something. So I kicked these 3.5 inch Parade of Shoes Going Out Of Business Specials into 4th gear & made a beeline to the building before he could finish his hello. WHEW!It made me think. I look nice today and I was clearly headed back to work. What made HIM think that I would stop & chat with him in his dirty, oversized white tee, unkempt locs complete WITH thin/bald spots in the middle and whatever else he had going on below the waist (not in THAT way, dirty birdies!). I didn’t get that far because I didn’t want to run the risk of him thinking I was giving him ANY kind of eye!
Now I am sure there are those that will say, you never know who he was or what his story is. And you know what? YER RIGHT! I will NEVER KNOW! Because I didn’t want to. I have kissed some frogs in my life, believe you me! And I have given chances to some men that were less than easy on the eyes. But I refuse to try & polish a turd! UGH! I get so ASTOUNDED by some of the males that attempt to capture the attention of my girls and me. We don’t look clinically depressed, desperate, crazy, homeless or unemployed, so why are you bringing yourself over here with your RAGGELY (yes RAGGELY) mouth, tattooed face, kicked over kicks, ring-around-the-ring-around the collar shirt, and poor grasp of the english language; and subsequently getting upset because we are not trying to “conversate” with you. SERIOUSLY, haveyoulookedinthemirrorlately? No? Oh, because if you HAD, you would see what we see: YOU DUSTY!
I am not claiming I am a dime, but I look good enough to get a man with: ALL his teeth, a job that requires his neck & face be tattoo free, shoes that don’t look like he walked here from the Great Depression, a FRESH white tee, and at least a general idea of good and bad grammar enough to know that “conversate” is not a DAMN WORD! I mean, come on, guy. Let’s be real here, just like you CHOSE to talk to me, I am CHOOSING to NOT talk to you. Saves me the breath and you the embarrassment, though I believe you have no pride and NO shame. I mean, afterall you came out of the house looking like the Katrina looter…
Oh NO she didn’t!
Oh YES I did!
I need EVERYONE to have a mirror near their front door because u NEVER know who you are going to see out in the streets, ain’t that right, Mr. Katrina Beer Looter?
You are sooo funny. Excellent. I’ve just found your blog but am looking forward to more posts