Not hating, Just stating…

Houston, WE have a problem!

For the most part, my girls are 30, attractive, educated, and SINGLE! How can that be? I am not going into the “there are no good men anymore” MESS because there still are. But recognizing him and letting him BE a good guy, therein lies the problem. We have decided that we are now jaded.

 jade- intransitive verb: to become weary or dulled

We have spent so much time with the WRONG men. We have male friends that we have seen do the WRONG things. And now… we’re 30 (well not me, not quite) and trying to reprogram ourselves, unjade our minds, and let somebody love our asses! We have had to talk ourselves out of self-sabotage. Out of doing those things that will ultimately leave us alone.

I had an amazing weekend with an amazing FRIEND. He was male and there is something there, but this man I can truly say has a good spirit, a friendly vibe. It has been some time since I was truly friends first with a man. And now, I don’t even know how to get along with someone who just wants to get along with me. I find myself wanting to find something WRONG. Making up faults that don’t matter while overlooking the traits that do. Which is in contrast to my previous habit of overlooking the faults that matter while making up the traits that DON’T! I realize this, I recognize this, I am recovering from this.

We have been being honest with ourselves over the past few days, my girls & I.  There are things that we should be doing and the first step is admitting that. The next step? Not sure, but I am ready to move upwards and onwards. I am ready to BE that mature woman, I thought I was when I was dealing with those that weren’t emotionally mature. I now know that as my girl “J” said: it shouldn’t be so hard meshing two lives. I now know that sometimes love does hurt sometimes and can be hellish but it doesn’t have to be that way all the time. I now know that I am not as emotionally evolved as I thought I was, but I can be. I am ready to be. Ready to be loved properly. Ready to love properly. Ready to do the right things and say the right things and have the right things happen for me & to me.

*sigh* I want to spend less time worrying and more time enjoying… no, really, I mean it this time.