Not hating, Just stating…

Houston, WE have a problem!

For the most part, my girls are 30, attractive, educated, and SINGLE! How can that be? I am not going into the “there are no good men anymore” MESS because there still are. But recognizing him and letting him BE a good guy, therein lies the problem. We have decided that we are now jaded.

 jade- intransitive verb: to become weary or dulled

We have spent so much time with the WRONG men. We have male friends that we have seen do the WRONG things. And now… we’re 30 (well not me, not quite) and trying to reprogram ourselves, unjade our minds, and let somebody love our asses! We have had to talk ourselves out of self-sabotage. Out of doing those things that will ultimately leave us alone.

I had an amazing weekend with an amazing FRIEND. He was male and there is something there, but this man I can truly say has a good spirit, a friendly vibe. It has been some time since I was truly friends first with a man. And now, I don’t even know how to get along with someone who just wants to get along with me. I find myself wanting to find something WRONG. Making up faults that don’t matter while overlooking the traits that do. Which is in contrast to my previous habit of overlooking the faults that matter while making up the traits that DON’T! I realize this, I recognize this, I am recovering from this.

We have been being honest with ourselves over the past few days, my girls & I.  There are things that we should be doing and the first step is admitting that. The next step? Not sure, but I am ready to move upwards and onwards. I am ready to BE that mature woman, I thought I was when I was dealing with those that weren’t emotionally mature. I now know that as my girl “J” said: it shouldn’t be so hard meshing two lives. I now know that sometimes love does hurt sometimes and can be hellish but it doesn’t have to be that way all the time. I now know that I am not as emotionally evolved as I thought I was, but I can be. I am ready to be. Ready to be loved properly. Ready to love properly. Ready to do the right things and say the right things and have the right things happen for me & to me.

*sigh* I want to spend less time worrying and more time enjoying… no, really, I mean it this time.

For those not in the know that is a line Jadakiss raps in Puff Daddy’s song “All About the Benjamins”. And I found it an appropriate title for this blog about fakers.

If you know nothing else about my old situation, you know that he was a liar… habitual, perpetual, pathological, continual… Did I know this? YES! Did I think he was lying to me sometimes? YES! Did I make a big deal out of it? NO! Why? Because it gave me something to complain about down there in hell. (Remember that?)

Well, I was out of the office on Monday because school had stressed me out & stretched me THIN this weekend. (I was there for 12 hours Saturday) I get a text from my co-worker telling me that the X came into our office to use her lintbrush. She then tells me that he asks her to wish him luck because he was going on an interview for a part-time job & had no idea how he was going to work 2 jobs & go to school. Then he asks, “Where is my friend? Is she in today? It doesn’t look like she’s in there.” My co-worker flatly tells him: “She’s not here.” He says: “This lint brush isn’t working, I am going to get my own,” and exits.

Who did he THINK he was fooling? This is the same script he used when he wanted me to know that he was going to have his record expunged. Only that time I was here, so as he rambled on to my co-worker I sat here and laughed to myself. He didn’t need that damn lintbrush! He is so obvious, it’s sad. One day I walked by his office door & a few seconds later he was standing in the doorway looking up & down the hall. I walked by once more talking to someone, I had only made it a few feet past his office before he was in the hallway looking up & down. I walked by a THIRD time talking to someone & this time he caught me. He smiled & spoke and by that time I was OVER his shenanigans, so I didn’t smile or speak. He laughed, but immediately went to to tell a mutual friend that I wasn’t speaking to him and he didn’t know why. That friend then informed him that he had done some effed up shyt to me (his words, not mine) and that was why I wasn’t talking to him.

To this moment, I am sure you probably thinks you’re SOOOOO slick asking for a lintbrush & giving my very close co-worker so much casual conversation about your new & improved life. I don’t believe you, you need more people…

You aren’t making me feel bad, anyway. I upgraded you! YOU’RE WELCOME!