Dec 29 2008
Year-End Wrap-up… 30 Things I am SO OVER
Let me preface this by saying 2008 was an AMAZING year for me. It was more amazing than it was tragic, luckily. I got to not only witness but take part in one of the most POSITIVE and amazing things to happen in the US in DECADES! I was engaged, involved, informed & important! I grew up, I learned, I lived, I loved! But there are things that were going on around me, that must NOT take place in 2009. This list was compiled by me & my friends. I will try to give credit…
30 Things I Am SO OVER in 2008!
I am SO OVER:
- Hi fives as greetings-
Let me clarify, I have NO problems with hi-fives as a celebration. But high-fives are NOT a greeting. A wave, a handshake, maybe… But please stop high-fiving me. In the past 2 weeks, I have been offered a high-five as a greeting and have left both people hanging. After sharing my experience with a friend, I was informed of a high-five sighting between a Starbucks Barista and a drive-thru customer. Ummm WHAT?
Yeah, so in that vein, all high-fives as greetings are hereby ordered to cease and desist!
2. Hip-hop in 2008-
With VERY few exceptions, the majority of what was put out in 2008 under the umbrella of hip-hop was CRAP covered in molasses & dipped in cheap diamonds! AAAAAARRRRRRRGH!
Dear Hip-hop,
I fear you have turned into the old guy in the club or some other such ridiculous shadow of your former self that thinks they still got it, but is out of touch. Act your age, take care of your kids and please stop trying to sell me liquor. DAMMIT!
3. 3. The phrase: “It ain’t trickin if you got it”-
You’re right, it’s STUPID! This dumb phrase will not die. Much like falling in love with a stripper, spending money on a girl that would not otherwise pay you any attention is fruitless, pointless and a waste of money even if you can “afford” it. You are not a sultan, you can’t pay a singer $1 mil just to perform for your dinner party and not miss it. CUT IT OUT!
4. 4. Raps about how much money you have-
Of course you have money; the record company GAVE it to you. But, Honey, we are in a recession! If your fans don’t have money, then they don’t buy your albums or come to your concerts. If they don’t buy your albums or come to your concerts, you owe the record company… BIG! All this Arab Money and all that, you are not getting it because your families have had it for years and you certainly have YET to earn it. When you INVEST your money in something other than grills, cars, chains with CEREAL BOXES on them, and hoes to the point that your GRANDCHILDREN and your GREAT GRANDCHILDREN won’t have to work, THEN you are getting Arab Money. Until that point, shut up & write a song about something DECENT so you don’t feel you “have to” turn around & apologize to your ignorant azz fan base for recording nonsense
5. Beyonce Fierce-
Here is an equation for you: Beyonce + personality – clothes = Sasha Fierce.
In other words, this is just Beyonce being who she really is, a warmed-over puff of mess that sings well & loves Bob Fosse. I am not going to delve any deeper, because I know that people loooove Beyonce & don’t like people saying nothing bad about her. ALL I am asking is that she stops with the Sasha Fierce foolishness! Sit down, enjoy married life & have some kids or something. You are oversaturating the market with shenanigans!
6. Reality Shows about Reality “stars”-
Don’t get me wrong, I have been drawn into Real Chance of Love and the first season of Charm School & I think I enjoy I Love Money and the RW/RR challenges, but ENOUGH already! Reality Show spin-offs and MULTIPLE seasons of looking for love are cheesing me off. There used to be a time when you went on reality tv for the experience & 15 minutes of fame, now you go on reality tv to go on MORE reality tv. Geez LOUISE!
7. Wearing tights & leggings as pants-
This needs its own entry! Fashion faux pas come later, but this needs to be done done done. Cover your butt! Pew! I don’t care if you have the body for it… I can see your panties! Opaque or not… I don’t want to see uninterrupted crotch or have feel like I have full access to yer booty. Pew, boo & bye!
8. Mariah Scary & Trick Cannon-
ARRRRGH! They are everywhere! Their whole life is one big photo op. And I am sick of looking at them. I am happy they’re “happy” REALLY I am. So I now want them to STOP convincing me or TRYING TO convince me of how happy they are. Please? Please? PLEASE!
9. 30 being the new 20- (Shy)
GROW UP!
What is wrong with being a good old grown up? You can enjoy your life at ANY age. THAT is what that phrase was supposed to mean, but I have observed many people taking this to mean that they can act like a 20 year old or younger. Still pouting & throwing temper tantrums & being petty and thinking people care or WANT to care or TRY to care! Like my girl Shy said, “We got rising APRs to worry about,” No time to raise a grown woman (or man in some cases). Prioritize & recognize! Everyone has their own issues that are relevant to them and who said what to or about you or implied something about you, no one ELSE cares. They are balancing checkbooks, paying mortgages, filling out their FSA paperwork (smile ‘Toya) and cannot address your non-issue.
Like I said you CAN enjoy your adult life, but unless your career, family and finances were your TOP priorities when you were 20, it is time to get NEW priorities. Who said what, who likes who, who is going where and all that jazz should NOT be SO important that it becomes all you ever care about and you get angry when other people don’t want to discuss it and don’t care and you don’t understand why, it’s time to grow up!
10. Getting Brand new- (‘Toya)
“Talkin you gotta man, ok ma, AND?” – Jay-Z
There are a FEW types of brand new that I am OVER this year. One is when a man or a woman gets a new S.O. or flavor of the day, week, month and they are suddenly off the grid. No call, no email, no text, no facebook status updates unless they are talking about their new-new, no twitters, NADA! But when he’s gone they suddenly re-emerge. *fake smile* Hey, grrrrrrl!
There is also a reverse effect of this. You get a man and a friend suddenly falls off. You talk to them and they get short with you. Even general conversations seem strained. Eh?
There is no reason for any of it. Be over thine self in 2009. Stay the same, dog; don’t change.
11. George W.-
The stock market, housing market, and banks have allllll crashed! People are pointing fingers, but there is only one person really to blame. He is the decider, right? I hope that his legacy is going quietly into that good night. They asked him the highlight of his presidency and he said catching a 7 lb. fish in his lake. People, we have finally discussed, dissected and discarded the 800 lb. gorilla in the room. CIAO!
12. John McCain-
Go take a nap until Congress is back in session. Then when it is, sit quietly in the back of the room & grin & nod. Be EASY, don’t ruffle any feathers or start any fires, or blow any whistles. Just ENJOY your money (or hers) and your last days. I don’t wish you ANY ill, but I do wish you’d sit down in 2009. ‘Preciate it!
13. Sarah Palin-
NO MAS! The other grandmother of your child has been arrested on felony drug charges so you are the only good female role model the baby has! (How dramatical!!) But really, why are you TRYING to be Supermom? I don’t see or FEEL your passion. Ok, you are a nice looking woman who won an election in a state with waaaaay more moose than men & waaaaay more men than women. Not really hard to do. But what WAS hard for you to do was sit down after you lost… I hope it gets muuuch easier in 2009 it only takes 28 days to form a habit, TRY IT!
14. Wearing the WRONG looks: (Nikki, Rice, Mi, Erica, Melissa, Les)
· BABY DOLL LASHES- or as Rice calls them spider lashes. Why is there a baby tarantula on your eye? Why do you look like when I lean you back your eyes automatically close, Betsy Wetsy?
· Over-accessorized teens- in DC, our teens have a problem knowing when to SAY when. They were all of non existent in ’89 & now they are literally killing an era WE were already over.chains & chains & chains & pearls & beads AND hoop earrings AND jelly bracelets AND rings? All that? With your school uniform? Oh ok. STOP IT!
· bright blue eye shadow and pink lipstick- it wasn’t cute in the 80s and it still is not. Clown makeup is NEVER cute.
· Catsuits- everything ain’t for everybody, but catsuits aren’t for ANYBODY, I mean it.
· wide belts on big shirts worn by big girls- this wasn’t mine, but they have a point. Big belts are supposed to help, but after a certain size… I’m not sure.
· skinny jeans on BOYS- some styles just come out looking effeminate. THIS IS THAT LOOK! There is a VERY happy medium between bagging & sagging and supatight & notright, FIND IT!
· Sunglasses after dark- Gentlemen, unless you are blind or your prescription glasses have a tint, take that mess off!
· cornrows- balding, greying, receding, OLDT… after a certain age, men should have a 5year plan to ditch the cornrows! Please? Thanks.
· starter locs- if you don’t have locs by now… get over thy self!
15. MySpace-
MySpace is the old, slutty meth-addicted sister of Facebook. Now that you have matured, you want to settle down with something a little more stable, less trashy, busy, tacky. Enter FACEBOOK - the networking page you can take home to mother! It is refined, it is sophisticated & officially addictive!
16. People not being honest with themselves-
It is cool to be confident, but if you are swaggerless, please stop claiming swag, men. And women, a stank attitude doesn’t make you a diva! I understand naming it & claiming it, but delusions of grandeur are committable offenses & by committable I mean the cute white jacket that lets you huuuuug yourself and nice room at Oak Haven with soft walls!
17. invites clogging up my facebook inbox!!!
I apologize to anyone that sent me a Facebook message that I have not responded to, I have 27 invites to the SAME NON-events coming in everyday. I haven’t been YET and I likely am NOT coming. Send me ONE invite and let me decide if I want to look at it. I have already “unfriended” 2 people. Please don’t make me do that again!
18. Dumb celebrities- (Les, Mi, Val)
Athletes doing dumb stuff - *AHEM* Plaxico & OJ, I hope you have learned your lessons. When the feds are after you they aren’t suddenly going to LEAVE you alone without making sure their case is CLOSED. Plaxico, why didn’t you get rid of the other guns??? Why did you even HAVE them in the first place? OJ, I thought you weren’t EVER going to sit down! WOW, thank goodness for justice forcing you to have a seat. Sit there and sit quietly and really THINK about what you did. And don’t do it again!
Celebrity baby names- Apple, Banana, Bronx, Brooklyn, StatenIsland, Knox, Nash, Fayette, Max, Emme, Gobo, Boober, Mokey, Red. STOP IT ALREADY! Your child now has to go through life with the same name as the feral child in The Jungle Book, congrats!
19. Men with hormonal issues-
I have seen some things and heard some things that lead me to question some male’s hormonal balance. Sometimes I read things that make me wonder if the guy typing them isn’t at the keyboard weeping silently into his hanky. Is you CRYING? Huh?
It is cool to be sensitive, but to be HORMONAL? Your mood depends on your luteal cycles (look it up, I don’t have time to explain) and the phases of the moon??? If you don’t like when EYE hormonal, how & why do you think it is ok for YOU to be hormonal? You can’t get upset because women won’t let men be men & then YOU turn around & ultimately start acting like a girl. Please see #9… CEASEANDDESIST!
20. Paying SO much for SO little-
You can thank W. & his boys for this one. He (and by he, I mean Cheyney, the REAL POTUS) was so busy trying to make sure his boys were taken care of that he forgot about the people he was HIRED to take care of! Even my cheap bagged cereal has gotten smaller, but the price hasn’t. $30 for a half a tank of gas for a CAMRY wasn’t cool either. And now, especially in DC, people expect you to pay for parties and you get there & there is no real party- A crap DJ & people standing around looking at you looking at them looking at you. Paying for a cabaret and all you get is a crap DJ, ice, & men smelling like Hennesy & weed trying to grind on you & touch you with their ashen hands. (oh, sorry that is a DC thing)
21. The rich getting richer while more & more people are becoming the poor-
Self-explanatory! In order for you to maintain your 5 houses, private jets, and wife’s $10,000 a month shopping habit; you have to let go of the little people? Or let the whole company fold… who cares? You got yours! Or go to the government and ask those with less to give you more? When do people start helping people? Not just enough to make them feel less guilty, but enough to make a difference?
Then they wonder why so many people are being robbed & killed for what seems like no reason. There IS a reason, they are poor now, thanks to you. And the best thing you can think to do is ask the lady behind the counter at Chanel if she has any white bags so no one knows you have been spending more in one trip than most people collect in one welfare check. SHAME ON YOU!
22. Pity parties-
Boo hoo, my life is sooooo bad! Everyone has their MOMENTS. But when your whole year has been one long pity party? It is time to bust those balloons & pull yourself up by your boot straps. I told a friend earlier this year, drama can really only affect you if you invite it or invent it. With SOME exceptions, this is true. If you want to complain & cry for days, weeks, months on end & never really DO anything about it, I will be marking “NO” on that evite, SORRY! See #9.
23. pick up lines-
No I didn’t bring you lunch, no I will not get you any money out of the ATM & no I will NOT smile for you. I k now I am sexy, beautiful, pretty… I mean I look at myself EVERYDAY! HA!
I am of an age where I prefer genuine, natural conversation. Stop trying to FORCE conversation & use segues and in-roads or whatever. If the woman is worth anything, your lines will go ignored or met with a fake smile and a BRISK walk away. Say Hello and ask MAYBE one other question, stop trying to run game. Game is soooo last decade.
24. Being black being just ONE thing-
There are SOME things SOME of us have in common, but for goodness sakes, we are DIVERSE. If President-Elect Obama is not proof positive of that, I don’t know WHAT is!
TVs, movies and the NEWS don’t help. There are plenty of Black people that likely subscribe to the ONE type of Black people doctrine. I too watch the news & shake my head at what I see there, but I distance myself from foolishness regardless of the color of the person’s skin. When a white person does something crazy, no one thinks it a conversation-starter to ask the nearest white person how they feel about it, just because they are white. But let something happen to a Black person, and suddenly all black people have an opinion on it & it is ok to ask it.
EVERYONE, stop watching so much TV, stop believing the newspapers and get out & meet real people. I can tell you there needs to be some more diverse characters in movies that are more like ME… I am complex & multi-faceted, not a singer, stripper, sexpot, golddigger, backstabber, victim of the system or crackhead.
25. Thinking racism is dead-
It is now even MORE overt… being passed off as comedy like Amos N Andy… or thought of as freedom of speech like cross burnings. NO! Racism went underground for a while, but now that the President-Elect is one Barack Obama; the sheet has been thrown off! We see you and I am fairly certain that it will no longer be tolerated or taken so lightly.
You can’t expect to correct CENTURIES of undereducation, miseducation, systematic disregard in a few decades with a few half-hearted, misadministered programs. Get your heads out of the clouds, please? Thanks.
26. Corrupt Politicians- (Mi)
From selling senate seats, getting all gay in the men’s bathroom in airports, and queers who come out and ruin the family image and break up there hetero marriages… corruption in politics has been the big darn deal this year & I really hope that we can leave this behind in the 09.
27. The RNC-
See ABOVE… Barack the Magic Negro INDEED! I don’t care whose party you USED to be. Look at what your party has BECOME!
28. REAL criminals not REALLY being punished-
How are you still walking the streets & you stole THOUSANDS of people’s WHOLE LIVES. And someone’s little cousin is in jail for YEARS for stealing someone’s purse. Riddle me that?
See # 21. Upper echelon friends are a nice thing to have. But even real friends make sure you do the right thing and get everything you deserve… good or bad.
29. Movies & tv shows about other movies & tv shows-
There is truly nothing new under the sun. Every other movie is based on an old movie or tv show. “Snore pie with yawn sauce!” (Red Fraggle). There are plenty of things that have not been covered, thousands of stories that haven’t been told. At one point, I think my life really WAS some sort of Truman Show because you really couldn’t WRITE this.
But nooooo, you want to make TV shows based on European shows and movies based on old movies. If you need some fresh Ideas, I have a few!
30. Refusing to leave the past IN the past-
Exes are exes for a reason! Getting in contact with old flames… stoking long cold coals. It is over, let it go; especially when one or BOTH of you is in a relationship. Don’t it always seem to go, that you don’t know what’ you’ve got til it’s gone! I am leaving it BEHIND next year and you… should… too
have a happy new year!
