Not hating, Just stating…

“Night or day they’re just not matching what they should do. Keep me feeling blue.” -The Spinners

Part one:

 I am a firm believer in doing what you say & saying what you’re gonna do. If you think that making me an empty promise is the way to keep me happy or hanging on, ya dead wrong! If you think that NOT saying something to me directly about something that will have an affect on me will keep me from getting upset, ya dead wrong!

Tell the truth upfront & let the chips fall where they may. Manipulating truth is lying, omitting parts of the truth is lying by omission, and just flat out lying is your ARSE! I hate being lied to like ANYONE, but most of all I hate being manipulated and having energy transferred to me that I don’t deserve. Transferring energy is a little like deflecting only there are only two people involved and the person to whom you are giving the business feels trapped in their own lie & tries to accuse you of something similar to their transgression in an effort to take the guilt off of them. This doesn’t work with me because I’M SMART! So why do it? Because you like to play games and manipulate situations to your advantage and when  mirror is held up to you, you refuse to look in it. It’s time to get off the playground & step into adulthood… I don’t want to play tag or hide-n-seek or monkey in the middle… You can have fun with someone without playing games.

Part two:

“Don’t it always seem to go that you don’t know what you’ve got til it’s gone?”- Joni Mitchell

This is a recurring theme for me. We’re “dating”, “seeing each other”, “talking”, “hanging out”and for some reason I start to make “demands” of you that you cannot fulfill. Not ultimatums, or even real demands… just requests for simple things like quality time or a night out once in a while. (Who would remain interested in someone that never went out with them, right? only a fool or a sukka, right? RIGHT!) So I start to feel that the relating-ship (I use that term for the commitmentphobic folks so as not to have it confused with “relationship” which includes titles & responsibilities for each others feelings and general treating the other person like a human being) is slowly deteriorating & I bring it to your attention before it fizzles & fades. I am not an unreasonable person, I give it time to get fixed. BUt after I have brought it up a FEW times & am met with nothing but the aforementioned games, I let you know it’s not gonna work for me &  I get *GONE*. I don’t call like I used to, I don’t respond to you the way I used to & we definitely don’t do the things we used to. SUddenly and much too late you realize something is amiss… and it’s time to do soemthing about it. CORRECTION, it’s too late.

As a result of your game playing, you are now sitting there thinking about the way things used to be. *cue Joni*

“Don’t it always seem to go

That you don’t know what you’ve got til it’s *GONE*

They paved paradise
And put up a parking lot.”

As most of you have probably heard already, Miss Bea Arthur of Golden Girls fame has passed away.

I took some time to reflect on “friendship”. And after the weekend I have had, I REALLY know what friends are supposed to be. I know some folks, I have some close acquaintances, but as Gabby said on Desperate Housewives last night, there are friends with a LITTLE “f” & there are Friends with a BIG “f”. The Golden Girls were Friends. Everything was out in the open. There was no mistaking the fact that they thought Rose was dim… ROSE knew that but she also knew that they loved her anyway. There was no mistaking that they thought Blanche was a slut… Blanche KNEW she was but she also knew that they loved her no matter what.

Being a friend isn’t about “smile smile smile, fun fun fun” ALL the time. It is about being able to sit down over cheesecake & keep it REAL with each other. It is about looking someone in the eyes and telling them how you feel. And not from a place of judgement, but from a place of TRUE concern. THAT is the most important thing that I learned from the Golden Girls. Learning to be honest with yourself is the most important part of being a friend. Being able to ask yourself, why does this bother/concern me about this person. Am I truly concerned? Am I disappointed? Am I frustrated? Am I jealous? It is imperative to know where you stand within yourself and not try to convince yourself otherwise. When one of the Girls had a problem with the other. They went to one other person for a reality check and then, if necessary went to the person. Once the issue was on the table, discussed & concluded. That was it.

How awesome would that be? Let me tell you, when you have a Friend… it is awesome! This weekend I was able to spend time with close acquaintances, friends & Friends and it put so much into perspective for me. It gave me a CHARGE to know that when it all comes down to it, what REALLY matters is being together on one accord with no secrets, no pretense, no nonsense… JUST FUN! there COULD have been division, there COULD have been disdain, there could have been all of those things… But, at the end of the day: WHO CARES?

Bea, thanks for teaching me how to be stern, straightforward, and dryly hilarious… but most of all thanks for teaching me how to be a Friend!

I attend a grad school that has what they call blended courses, partially online with a 3 day weekend in class. This weekend we had class and I was ready to put a face to the names I had seen online attached to some of the more “interesting” posts to our online classroom.

There was one particular classmate that some think may be a little learning disabled, or a sufferer of Fetal Alcohol Syndrome or maybe a crackbaby. Her posts are like word salad, and the lettuce was WILTED… I had taken to skipping them because they gave me a headache.

We get to class & I am sitting next to my “lil sis” and she informs me that the girl sitting in front of us on the end is the chef of the word salad online. She introduces herself & is supposed to be explaining what she wants to do with her degree… I have NO idea what she was saying… something about crime scenes and fire and a few I don’t knows. I was scared.

As the weekend progressed, I noticed that she had some pretty bad habits. Including, CONSTANTLY saying “whatsever”. I kept score, she said it 6 times. Yeah, I kept score. But I started to feel like a joke was being played on me because there is NO WAY, this girl was in grad school. The teacher asked if everyone read his bio & what they thought of it, she blurts out: “Your job seems boring, but I guess you find it interesting.” Where at do they do that?

Throughout the weekend, she gave various indications that she wasn’t all there. The teacher asked a question & in the middle of her answering, she says: “DAMN, I forgot!” Then commences toTOTALLY mispronounce the name of the author of the MAIN textbook we use. My entire row sat there in complete & utter disbelief. She then, decided to mispronounce the MAIN FOCUS of the class: COMPENSEE… leaving out an entire syllable. I turned to my girl T & wasked her what “compensee to stand trial” meant and, bless her heart if she didn’t try to explain COMPENTENCY to stand trial to me. Until I stopped her & said: I said COMPENSEE not COMPETENCY. We laughed & shook our heads.

The entire weekend, we waited with bated breath for her presentation because we were soooo sure that it would be entertaining, to say the least. The schedule for presentations was already given out so everyone knew when it was their turn… EXCEPT HER! We all sat looking at her and finally the teacher called her name & she exclaims: OH SHYT! AGAIN WADTDT? She announces to the class that she feels dumb because she didn’t understand the assignement. Which I found both easy AND hard to believe. Theselection of presentation topics was laid out in the syllabus at the beginning of class and the topic had tobe approved by the professor AND the subjects to be discussed in the presentation and the paper were outlined in the schedule for the weekend a week before we met. Yet, somehow, despite alllll of that, she managed to get it wrong. Hm!??! Immediately, my entire row began to text one another. She HAD to know we were doing it. But, then again she was oblivious to everything else. She said ax instead of ask, deaf instead of death, and made a very curious reference to 1994s as if it were SEVERAL years instead of one. At the end she kept using the word reassualts and it took me several minutes before I was able to figure out that she MIGHT have meant reasserts. The world may NEVER know.

I really want to see her transcripts. I sincerely hope that with all the hardwork I have put into my graduate school education and my AWESOME way with words that I have BETTER grades than she. Perhaps if she were simply socially inep, I wouldn’t have bothered even blogging about it. But because she seems to not only be inept, but also waaaay out of her league & over her head, I demand ANSWERS! What a travesty!

I’m not hating, I’m just stating.

I haven’t said THAT in a while…

Then acts surprised, astounded, shocked & apalled. I am wondering what Mr. Burris was thinking even ACCEPTING the appointment. I swear if I hear one more political commentator say “TAINT”, “Under the TAINT”… I am going to just totally explode into a million bits of sophomoric laughter.

“Contamination”, “corruption”, “blemish”, even “uncertainty”… are very collegiate and acceptable words. But they know good & well “taint” is SLANG for something not TOO dissimilar, but come on! Stop using “taint”! Please? Please!

Now on to Burris, I think it is funny that his name is a homophone for a slang term my girls & I use to mean REALLY EMBARRASSED! THis guy has not even an inkling of enbarassment. And now it is being reported that he is going to be seated & President-Elect Obama is going to work with him. Congratulations, but not really, “Jr. Senator” Burris… you must be so proud. (Smell that sarcasm?)

Really, what is going on? It’s like a pimp with questionable taste in women choosing you as his bottom b***h after the original one has cleaned up her life and moved on to more respectable work. This is not an accomplishment, there is NOTHING to be proud of, no one in the political… er, I mean, pimping community is going to respect you regardless. So enjoy your glory days, they won’t last long. So much for the taint of Blagojevich… *stifling a snicker*

I’m soooooo not hating, I’m just stating!

What the hot buttered snot is going on in Illinois? The governor went all old school gangsta on them- talking reckless & shaking folks down like “WHAT!?!?” (I love/hate that phrase) Blogjog, as I call him has really been real Kanye West with his i.e., saying & doing whatever he wants! Must be an Illinois thing. R. Kelly, pees on who he wants. Kanye says what he wants. Blogjog shakesdown who he wants. And in the midst of all of this, Poor President-Elect Obama sits, once again being dragged into foolishness because he associated with a man that associated with foolishness. This is a damned if you do, damned if you don’t situation for him. Obama said he didn’t have any unsavory dealings with the man, but that wasn’t good enough. The media want to know if he knew this man was up to no good and if so why didn’t he dime him out. Why didn’t you dime out your crackhead uncle? Your embezzelling daddy? Your stealing from Wal-mart grandmother? I am not going to weigh in on it, I just want you all to think about that.

Illinois is just one of 50 states and territories that Obama has to worry about. He is pretty much being charged with cleaning up the biggest, most ignorant and reckless frat party EVER! And the media is worried about why he never cleaned his room.  PISHAW! Poor, poor JJJ, I hope he wasn’t involved in this blatant disregard for the law, ethics, and common sense. This is the information age no one goes unnoticed, you can only fly under the radar but SO long especially in the public eye. So young JJJ, I hope you are honest & integritous (is that a word yet?)

And finally, I would like to call SHENANIGANS on Oprah. YOUNG LADY, get over thine self! You know good & goshdarn well you didn’t SUDDENLY gain 60 pounds! Just like I am lying to myself about sudenly gaining 25. First of all, it happens! Just because people put you on a pedastal, The Oprah is a human being… it is ok. I forgive you. Secondly, WE saw you getting bigger, you don’t have to act like we didn’t. and lastly, who cares you are The Oprah! Enjoy it, honey! Live your good life, don’t let these folks out here have you DYING to be thin. Skinny people die of heart disease too. Have some pie for me, girrrrl, because I can’t afford bigger clothes so I gotta lose this weight. You got options… USE THEM!

Men run their mouths. Women are known to talk about people: “That weave is a mess.”; “Those shoes are tore down.”; “She KNOWS she should not wear that dress!”. But men take gossiping to a whole other level. Men that run their mouths, in THEIR minds think they are helping situations, when in reality, they are making them WORSE! The road to hell is PAVED with good intentions, you know?

Last week was the week of men-related FOOLISHNESS! I found out that my “boyfriend” had been placing my name in things that had nothing to do with him or me (yes that is PROPER English, look it up). He had said so much that it caused a serious riff between my co-worker and one of her good friends in the building. To the point where he decided to stop speaking to her, off the strength of what the ex told him I said. Yes, you read that right, the EX. That is another story, for another lifetime… Thank GOD for clarity, AMEN!

MOVING ON!

The air was cleared between my co-worker and her friend and subsequently between her friend and I. Based on what he said and what I said, the EX is not only a pot-stirrer but a habitual liar, who volunteers lies and exaggerations constantly and continuously. I had witnessed it, but refused to believe that I would ever be victim to it. BLINDED! In the end, I am glad that it all came to light but still a little put off that he PREVIOUSLY had the audacity to tell me he didn’t trust me! UGH!

There was another incident involving a man running his mouth that I was not directly involved in, so the details of such will just have to go undiscussed. Suffice it to say, the male involved had no reason or BUSINESS saying anything to anyone. He aggravated a tense situation that had been dormant 2 weeks under the guise of playing “peacemaker”. Remember what I said about that road to hell? Yeah, be careful out there.

If person A is tlaking about Person B & Person B is doing the same with Person A, sometimes, it’s best to tell Person A to TALK to Person B directly and C your way up out of it. Otherwise you end up being the bad guy, the culprit, the liar, the bitch, the agitator… Other times, it’s best to just stay out of it all together… don’t ask questions, don’t give your unsolicited opinion ut even when you can’t bring yourself to  stay out of it, for GOD’S SAKE… do not RUNTELDAT!  Especially if you are retelling an inaccuracy that you have fabricated into the MOUNT RUSHMORE of lies.

 NO BITCHASSNESS!

Sorry for the lapse in blogs, between the news of my 33 year old cousin dying of Cancer (the big C, as the old people call it) and my seemingly neverending love hangover, I have been a little preoccupied. The funeral is Thursday and though I am at peace with it now, it doesn’t make it suck any less that she was so young. So I urge you all to take care of yourself and don’t let your doctor tell you to put some ice or heat on your swollen body parts without them confirming or denying it is Cancer FIRST!

But I digress…

In Talladega Nights, I learned that if you begin a statement with the words: “With all due respect…” you can pretty much say anything to the person and they SHOULD not get upset because you didn’t mean any disrespect. So, it is with ALL DUE RESPECT, I ask some people to KINDLY shut the eff up!

Your sage nuggets of wisdom that you think you are imparting upon the masses, are nuggets of SOMETHING, but I assure you they are not wisdom. They are grammatically incorrect, over-worded mixed metaphoric verbal mishmash. I have started to tune some people out but my other friends insist on bringing it to my attention that whatever they have just said makes little to no sense. I chuckle and try to ignore it, but as more and more people begin to either improperly “kick the truth to the young black youth” or point out and try to make sense of those that make these attempts; I have begun to get fed up.

You have GOT to know your ministry, people. Some people have a way with words, some people have a way with numbers, some people have a way with pots & pans, and others have a way with liquor & liqueur. KNOW YOUR MINISTRY!

If you couldn’t sing, would you volunteer to perform a solo? No! If you couldn’t cook, would you volunteer to make Thanksgiving dinner? NO! If you couldn’t put words together in a logical manner, would you volunteer to give advice? NOOOO! (that was a trick question). So to that end, TPain, please stop singing… Auntie, please stop trying to cook fanciful meals… and you, you, and YOU stop trying to drop knowledge.

You have to be honest with yourself. If English wasn’t your best subject or even a GOOD subject for you, then why would you think suddenly you could become a ghetto Poet Laureate? I don’t do numbers, I know that numbers & I don’t get along… I can’t even master Sudoku, so I know not to try to help someone do a budget or balance their checkbook. I know my role & I play it WELL!

Life is all about living up to your destiny & some people are destined to just NOT say much. It’s okay, we understand. Use what you got and use it WELL… I am not discouraging that. But seriously, with all due respect, sit down & shut up!

THANKS!

I am so damn tired of seeing Puffy’s mother out in the streets with that sandy blonde weave & some random not fit for somebody’s mama get up. She plays too much! How can Puffy, a fashion mogul, be OKAY with his mom coming out of the house like that? Some would even ask how can he ALLOW her to dress this way…but if Janice is any thing like my mom then there is no way to DISALLOW your mom to leave the house wearing whatever she likes. If my mom wants to rock her wide-leg, gray, cotton sweat suit with a chunky heeled black boot… I can SUGGEST she not leave the house like that, but trust if she thinks she looks hot, she is going to leave the house that way whether I like it or not. *MAJOR EYEROLL* (yes my mom really does rock this ‘fit). So, in that vein, I leave you with this… an open Letter to Miz Janice Combs:

Dear Janice Combs,

 

I am fairly certain that there was never a point in time when you looked sexy, cute, hot or effeminate. I am terribly sorry that you may be feeling envious because your son has gone through those style/lifestyle phases. However, when you ain’t got it, you ain’t got it. Please stop trying to MAKE your (son’s) money BUY you your sexy, cute, hot, effeminate youth. It will never ever ever ever ever happen. So I IMPLORE you to dress for your age, size, and looks. No one wants to see the sandy blonde hair and rag tag sag hags you have had botoxed & pushed up & now call breasts. LET IT GO! Let your money speak FOR you, because right now, you are speaking for your money & you appear to be saying: Money can’t by you class or a clue.

 

 

Sincerely,

 

Me & everyone else disappointed that you still doin this dumbshyt!

Let me start off by saying I am not a shallow person…

I think some say: If you have to tell people you ARE NOT a certain way, then you likely are? *girlish giggle*

So back to ME! I work in an area frequented by and populated with men I refer to as “the defend-ANT”. I work at Judiciary Square, so named for it’s lovely attractions: the police HQ & DC courthouse. YAY!

This is an area where you CANNOT assume every man with a suit and a folder or briefcase is a lawyer. MOST times, if you look carefully, the suit is too big or dusty, it is accompanied by either Nike boots or Timbs, and there is likely a tattoo of some sort ABOVE the neckline. All dead giveaways that this guy is not a lawyer, but a CLIENT. It took a little while for me to catch on. One fine August day as I was walking to the train station, I noticed a young man in all black: longsleeved shirt, black sweatpants, and Nike Boots. August in this area is like High noon in HELL! So it sent up a red flag right away. That was when I took a closer look at his boots- they lacked laces. I thought to myself: Why would he be dressed so inappropriately for the weather and why wouldn’t he have laces in his boots …………….

Oh, I get it, he just got out.

---

So today, as I try my damnedest to walk across the street to grab my food and come RIGHT back without drawing any attention or making any eye contact, it happened. I was eye-stalked by a most hideous creature: part predator, part Harry and the Hendersons, part Pizza the Hut (yeah, I did it, I made a Spaceballs reference) for those keeping a running tally that’s THREE parts disgusting! He looked at me as if I were naked & walking directly at him offering him up the good good. What in fact happened was he was crossing my path & appeared to be slowing down so me being the good-at-faking-oblivious-but-actually-being-very-attentive woman that I am, went into code orange- HIGH ALERT! I didn’t mean to make eye contact, but it was unavoidable and his smile was more horrfiying than a trashcan full of dead puppies! JUST TRAGIC!But he really looked interested in saying something. So I kicked these 3.5 inch Parade of Shoes Going Out Of Business Specials into 4th gear & made a beeline to the building before he could finish his hello. WHEW!It made me think. I look nice today and I was clearly headed back to work. What made HIM think that I would stop & chat with him in his dirty, oversized white tee, unkempt locs complete WITH thin/bald spots in the middle and whatever else he had going on below the waist (not in THAT way, dirty birdies!). I didn’t get that far because I didn’t want to run the risk of him thinking I was giving him ANY kind of eye!

Now I am sure there are those that will say, you never know who he was or what his story is. And you know what? YER RIGHT! I will NEVER KNOW! Because I didn’t want to. I have kissed some frogs in my life, believe you me! And I have given chances to some men that were less than easy on the eyes. But I refuse to try & polish a turd! UGH! I get so ASTOUNDED by some of the males that attempt to capture the attention of my girls and me. We don’t look clinically depressed, desperate, crazy, homeless or unemployed, so why are you bringing yourself over here with your RAGGELY (yes RAGGELY) mouth, tattooed face, kicked over kicks, ring-around-the-ring-around the collar shirt, and poor grasp of the english language; and subsequently getting upset because we are not trying to “conversate” with you. SERIOUSLY, haveyoulookedinthemirrorlately? No? Oh, because if you HAD, you would see what we see: YOU DUSTY!

I am not claiming I am a dime, but I look good enough to get a man with: ALL his teeth, a job that requires his neck & face be tattoo free, shoes that don’t look like he walked here from the Great Depression, a FRESH white tee, and at least a general idea of good and bad grammar enough to know that “conversate” is not a DAMN WORD! I mean, come on, guy. Let’s be real here, just like you CHOSE to talk to me, I am CHOOSING to NOT talk to you. Saves me the breath and you the embarrassment, though I believe you have no pride and NO shame. I mean, afterall you came out of the house looking like the Katrina looter…

Oh NO she didn’t!

Oh YES I did!

I need EVERYONE to have a mirror near their front door because u NEVER know who you are going to see out in the streets, ain’t that right, Mr. Katrina Beer Looter?

Don’t worry, this is not about me & my S.O. Sorry to those who were rejoicing or mourning. I was watching I Love Money on VH1. (Yes, I was watching this instead of doing something constructive like feeding the homeless, reading to the blind, organizing my dresser.) Now, as a “fan” of I Love NY, Flavor of Love & the FIRST half of the FIRST season of Rock of Love, I am familiar with these folks and actually had favorites. (SPOILER ALERT!!!) One of my faves from ILNY2 was Midget Mac. He was funny & seemed to have a je ne sais quois. Not saying I would hit that, but… he had miniswag. He changed all of that tonight.

He called a few of the women hoes, including Hoopz, which may very well be true, but it came out of left field & was a TERRIBLE move on the first DAY of competition. Once they got to the  competition he refused to put on a bikini bottom and grab for pesos. In the end they sent his lil evil ass home and he deserved it because HE proved himself to be delusional because he chalked it up to him refusing to put on a swimsuit.

No, hunny, it is because you showed your ass and your insecurity all at once and no one wanted to deal with that.

I guess that is what I get for LIKING someone from a reality show. Not like I had a CRUSH on him, but I was happy for him when I saw the casting special for the show. Now I see he was just a DICKHEAD and they edited ILNY2 to make him seem more likeable.  Shneaky, shneaky!

Fool me once shame on you; fool me twice and it’s time to change the channel cuz I am WAY too emotionally involved. So after watching the show on about a 30 minute DVR delay, I end up turning to what? THE COLOR PURPLE!!! And it was on my FAVORITE scene… DINNER WITH SOPHIA!

Speaking of emotionally involved, I am sitting here reciting the words alternately aloud and in my head.  I remember seeing this movie for the first time at the tender age of 6 or 7 & having the opportunity to meet Danny Glover at the Howard University Children’s theater. I REFUSED! This movie made THAT much of an impact on me that  I wouldn’t watch a movie he made until somewhere around A Rage in Harlem when I was 12. Yeah, I was way to emotionally involved!