Not hating, Just stating…

As most of you have probably heard already, Miss Bea Arthur of Golden Girls fame has passed away.

I took some time to reflect on “friendship”. And after the weekend I have had, I REALLY know what friends are supposed to be. I know some folks, I have some close acquaintances, but as Gabby said on Desperate Housewives last night, there are friends with a LITTLE “f” & there are Friends with a BIG “f”. The Golden Girls were Friends. Everything was out in the open. There was no mistaking the fact that they thought Rose was dim… ROSE knew that but she also knew that they loved her anyway. There was no mistaking that they thought Blanche was a slut… Blanche KNEW she was but she also knew that they loved her no matter what.

Being a friend isn’t about “smile smile smile, fun fun fun” ALL the time. It is about being able to sit down over cheesecake & keep it REAL with each other. It is about looking someone in the eyes and telling them how you feel. And not from a place of judgement, but from a place of TRUE concern. THAT is the most important thing that I learned from the Golden Girls. Learning to be honest with yourself is the most important part of being a friend. Being able to ask yourself, why does this bother/concern me about this person. Am I truly concerned? Am I disappointed? Am I frustrated? Am I jealous? It is imperative to know where you stand within yourself and not try to convince yourself otherwise. When one of the Girls had a problem with the other. They went to one other person for a reality check and then, if necessary went to the person. Once the issue was on the table, discussed & concluded. That was it.

How awesome would that be? Let me tell you, when you have a Friend… it is awesome! This weekend I was able to spend time with close acquaintances, friends & Friends and it put so much into perspective for me. It gave me a CHARGE to know that when it all comes down to it, what REALLY matters is being together on one accord with no secrets, no pretense, no nonsense… JUST FUN! there COULD have been division, there COULD have been disdain, there could have been all of those things… But, at the end of the day: WHO CARES?

Bea, thanks for teaching me how to be stern, straightforward, and dryly hilarious… but most of all thanks for teaching me how to be a Friend!

Houston, WE have a problem!

For the most part, my girls are 30, attractive, educated, and SINGLE! How can that be? I am not going into the “there are no good men anymore” MESS because there still are. But recognizing him and letting him BE a good guy, therein lies the problem. We have decided that we are now jaded.

 jade- intransitive verb: to become weary or dulled

We have spent so much time with the WRONG men. We have male friends that we have seen do the WRONG things. And now… we’re 30 (well not me, not quite) and trying to reprogram ourselves, unjade our minds, and let somebody love our asses! We have had to talk ourselves out of self-sabotage. Out of doing those things that will ultimately leave us alone.

I had an amazing weekend with an amazing FRIEND. He was male and there is something there, but this man I can truly say has a good spirit, a friendly vibe. It has been some time since I was truly friends first with a man. And now, I don’t even know how to get along with someone who just wants to get along with me. I find myself wanting to find something WRONG. Making up faults that don’t matter while overlooking the traits that do. Which is in contrast to my previous habit of overlooking the faults that matter while making up the traits that DON’T! I realize this, I recognize this, I am recovering from this.

We have been being honest with ourselves over the past few days, my girls & I.  There are things that we should be doing and the first step is admitting that. The next step? Not sure, but I am ready to move upwards and onwards. I am ready to BE that mature woman, I thought I was when I was dealing with those that weren’t emotionally mature. I now know that as my girl “J” said: it shouldn’t be so hard meshing two lives. I now know that sometimes love does hurt sometimes and can be hellish but it doesn’t have to be that way all the time. I now know that I am not as emotionally evolved as I thought I was, but I can be. I am ready to be. Ready to be loved properly. Ready to love properly. Ready to do the right things and say the right things and have the right things happen for me & to me.

*sigh* I want to spend less time worrying and more time enjoying… no, really, I mean it this time.

Men run their mouths. Women are known to talk about people: “That weave is a mess.”; “Those shoes are tore down.”; “She KNOWS she should not wear that dress!”. But men take gossiping to a whole other level. Men that run their mouths, in THEIR minds think they are helping situations, when in reality, they are making them WORSE! The road to hell is PAVED with good intentions, you know?

Last week was the week of men-related FOOLISHNESS! I found out that my “boyfriend” had been placing my name in things that had nothing to do with him or me (yes that is PROPER English, look it up). He had said so much that it caused a serious riff between my co-worker and one of her good friends in the building. To the point where he decided to stop speaking to her, off the strength of what the ex told him I said. Yes, you read that right, the EX. That is another story, for another lifetime… Thank GOD for clarity, AMEN!

MOVING ON!

The air was cleared between my co-worker and her friend and subsequently between her friend and I. Based on what he said and what I said, the EX is not only a pot-stirrer but a habitual liar, who volunteers lies and exaggerations constantly and continuously. I had witnessed it, but refused to believe that I would ever be victim to it. BLINDED! In the end, I am glad that it all came to light but still a little put off that he PREVIOUSLY had the audacity to tell me he didn’t trust me! UGH!

There was another incident involving a man running his mouth that I was not directly involved in, so the details of such will just have to go undiscussed. Suffice it to say, the male involved had no reason or BUSINESS saying anything to anyone. He aggravated a tense situation that had been dormant 2 weeks under the guise of playing “peacemaker”. Remember what I said about that road to hell? Yeah, be careful out there.

If person A is tlaking about Person B & Person B is doing the same with Person A, sometimes, it’s best to tell Person A to TALK to Person B directly and C your way up out of it. Otherwise you end up being the bad guy, the culprit, the liar, the bitch, the agitator… Other times, it’s best to just stay out of it all together… don’t ask questions, don’t give your unsolicited opinion ut even when you can’t bring yourself to  stay out of it, for GOD’S SAKE… do not RUNTELDAT!  Especially if you are retelling an inaccuracy that you have fabricated into the MOUNT RUSHMORE of lies.

 NO BITCHASSNESS!

Allow me to get serious with you, just for a moment.

I was in church last Sunday and the topic was Hi, Hater… Interesting, I know.
But it was about the story of Joseph and how after his brothers had done all of these terrible things to him, he still forgave them. They put him in a pit, they sold him into slavery, and he still persevered, came home & forgave them. WOW! That is like superhuman, right? That was what I was thinking. Until the minister broke it down like this:
Forgiveness:
- helps us get rid of unwanted baggage… you can lug things around in your spirit and just like at the airport when your bag is too heavy, you will pay for it! (I took that from Minister Bill Lee, I can’t even lay claim to that nugget!)

- helps you embrace something new… Joseph was the youngest when he was sold into slavery and when he returned, he found out he had a younger brother and he embraced him. Had he not come backand forgiven them, he would have never known, get it? GOOD!

- helps you restore what was lost… Sometimes you can hold a grudge for so long that you are not even yourself anymore. Once you have forgiven someone and released that negative energy and attitude all kinds of things will come back to you.

Just a little something to think about… I’m not preachin, that ain’t my ministry… idonthink… I am just passing on some words that I needed to hear & I hope YOU recieve it too. If you care to read about the story it’s in Genesis 45: 1-6(or 18 depending on how much YOU want to read lol)

I’ll be back with more shenanigans, PROMISE! But first I got a WHOLE LOT of forgiving to do!

Sorry for the lapse in blogs, between the news of my 33 year old cousin dying of Cancer (the big C, as the old people call it) and my seemingly neverending love hangover, I have been a little preoccupied. The funeral is Thursday and though I am at peace with it now, it doesn’t make it suck any less that she was so young. So I urge you all to take care of yourself and don’t let your doctor tell you to put some ice or heat on your swollen body parts without them confirming or denying it is Cancer FIRST!

But I digress…

In Talladega Nights, I learned that if you begin a statement with the words: “With all due respect…” you can pretty much say anything to the person and they SHOULD not get upset because you didn’t mean any disrespect. So, it is with ALL DUE RESPECT, I ask some people to KINDLY shut the eff up!

Your sage nuggets of wisdom that you think you are imparting upon the masses, are nuggets of SOMETHING, but I assure you they are not wisdom. They are grammatically incorrect, over-worded mixed metaphoric verbal mishmash. I have started to tune some people out but my other friends insist on bringing it to my attention that whatever they have just said makes little to no sense. I chuckle and try to ignore it, but as more and more people begin to either improperly “kick the truth to the young black youth” or point out and try to make sense of those that make these attempts; I have begun to get fed up.

You have GOT to know your ministry, people. Some people have a way with words, some people have a way with numbers, some people have a way with pots & pans, and others have a way with liquor & liqueur. KNOW YOUR MINISTRY!

If you couldn’t sing, would you volunteer to perform a solo? No! If you couldn’t cook, would you volunteer to make Thanksgiving dinner? NO! If you couldn’t put words together in a logical manner, would you volunteer to give advice? NOOOO! (that was a trick question). So to that end, TPain, please stop singing… Auntie, please stop trying to cook fanciful meals… and you, you, and YOU stop trying to drop knowledge.

You have to be honest with yourself. If English wasn’t your best subject or even a GOOD subject for you, then why would you think suddenly you could become a ghetto Poet Laureate? I don’t do numbers, I know that numbers & I don’t get along… I can’t even master Sudoku, so I know not to try to help someone do a budget or balance their checkbook. I know my role & I play it WELL!

Life is all about living up to your destiny & some people are destined to just NOT say much. It’s okay, we understand. Use what you got and use it WELL… I am not discouraging that. But seriously, with all due respect, sit down & shut up!

THANKS!

I’m borin! I haven’t always been, but as I was kicking back in the bed Thursday evening in my customary wifebeater and underwear ensemble discussing the role of religion in my current relationship via TEXT, I realized how BORING I have become.

Just last year, on a typical summery Thursday, I would have been sipping margaritas at the rooftop happy hour before heading downstairs to party like it was 1999 until I officially called it a night at around 11:30/12 AM. The girls and I would be posing for pics and giggling with fellas then talking about them as sooooon as their backs were turned; typical “us”. Fast forward to 2008, yesterday I went on part 2 of my quest for Brown Stew Chicken similar to what I had on vacation, then headed home to watch Semi-Pro and unpack, FINALLY. By 7, I was in the bed watching Michelle Obama co-hosting Wednesday’s episode of “The View” on DVR while intermittently texting my friend Mimi about how PHONY Elizabeth Hasselbeck was and how AMAZING a mom First Lady Obama seemed to be. At around 8, the conversation turned to religion in our relationships. She was discussing how religion SAVED hers and I talked about how it was threatening mine. I realized two things:

1. This was a very HEAVY conversation to have via text.
2. It was a warm lovely Summery Thursday and I was in the bed before 8.

That was when I realized how much I have changed. Instead of gettin’ low with her, I was getting deep. Instead of taking shots at a crowded bar, I sip wine alone in my living room. Instead of committing random acts of sexy at the local clubs on Girls’ Night Out, we have Girls’ Night In and discuss politics, poetry, and periods.

I prefer happy hours and lounges to the club, but it is hard to get me to go anywhere these days. I used to powernap after work in order to be ready to get my drink and my 2-step on until the wee hours without looking like whodunnit @ work the next day. I now pass out around nine and DVR all of my reality tv shows to watch after work the next day. I used to looooove buying the new new to wear to the club and hardly ever wore the same dress twice. I now buy more work clothes and chill clothes than club clothes and will throw on any of my previous “club dresses” on the RARE occasions I do go to the club now. I don’t even like the whole flirting scene anymore. I fell into a relationship and any other man just isn’t worth the energy.

I have the same interests as before, they are just reprioritized. Craft shows take precedent over the club. Going to dinner has replaced going to happy hour. Girls’ Night In has replaced Girls’ Night Out. DVR watching has replaced boy watching. ILB now stands for I’m Like BORING (Inside joke)! And I am okay with that. I officially have hobbies and interests that don’t involve U Street or Ciroc. I am officially in my been there, done that stage. And I like it! I love it! I want more of it!

BRING ON THE BORING!!!!