Not hating, Just stating…

This morning, my radio was tuned to Tom Joyner becauseI was listening to oldies yesterday afternoon. Just as I was about to turn to talk radio, I heard my friend’s brainy boo, Roland S. Martin, so I listened in. I must say that I was disappointed in what I heard.

Apparently some Barnes & Noble Bookstore in Coral Gables, FL had a display of Barack Obama books and some IGNORAMUS placed a monkey book in the middle of the display. *sigh*

Roland was upset because Barnes & Noble apparently turned down an initial interview. Then, when the interview was granted, they didn’t like the man’s answers. A member of Tom Joyner crew’s (Sybill I think) ”solution” was to block off all the displays in all the bookstores to prevent this from happening again. The man’s solution was to have security on the windows at THAT store because this was an ISOLATED incident. That wasn’t good enough & they were talking boycott. That is when I got out of the car, I couldn’t take it. What more do they want them to do over an ISOLATED incident? It wasn’t as if someone who WORKS for them did it. I am tired of the hypervigilance over the race issue. I understand that more & more there are racist things going on more BLATANT and institutional than this… but come ON!

I began having stereotypical thoughts MYSELF. I was thinking too the people talking boycott: “Oh, so now you will buy your ‘hood lit’ elsewhere? Now when you want to buy some self-published NONSENSE book about sex, drugs and money you have to go to Borders or Books-a-million because you didn’t support the small black bookstores that used to try and EDUCATE our people? Did you even READ any of the Barack Obama books? How long was the display up before someone noticed?”

There is a such thing as overanalyzing & I think that that is the case here. I am not saying that racism is ok or racist foolishness should just be brushed off, but in THIS instance, for THIS ISOLATED incident, it was handled properly. DONE & DONE… But I am no Roland martin or Tom Joyner, so that is just my humble opinion…. *shrug*

 I’m not hating, I’m just stating!

DC is TINY. No place is this more evident than on Facebook. Facebook is NOT the place to reinvent yourself. Facebook is not the new college.

Think about it, if & when you went away to college, you had the opportunity to be a whole other person if you wanted to. You could shake the nerdy image and become a goth, or you could shake the slutty image and become a good girl. Facebook is NOT the place for that.

Why?

Because there are people on Facebook that remember the nerd, the goth, the slut, the good girl. There are people that know you from different times in your life and they know other people from other times in your life; thereby, introducing 2 Degrees of Separation.

Your classmate from English 101 who knows you as the coolest girl on campus, may know the college sweetheart of the guy who sat next to you in 8th grade when you accidentally wet your pants.  Therefore, you have to make sure you don’t get too high and mighty on your Facebook page. Someone may be there to bring you down a peg or two!

One day, you are sitting at your desk meditating and centering your chi and you get a message that someone has “tagged” you in a photo. You click the link & there you are scantily clad and passed out drunk in a dumpster just this past weekend. I certainly hope your new friends in theFacebook Meditation Group don’t think that you are all Chi all the time because that is who you have portrayed yourself to be on the internet. When in actuality you like to party on the weekends AND center your Chi during the week! It’s ok!

No need to hide or be ashamed of who you are just to win new internet friends because your old real life friends likely know at least ONE of your new Facebook friends. Change is good, it is after all the theme of the new administration. Just make sure you really are representing the WHOLE you. I will start: Hi, I like to go out with my friends every now & then and have a glass of wine or 2 at a bar. But I also sing in my church choir and hope to volunteer with underprivileged teens. Does that make me a bad person? Nope. It makes me a HUMAN. Embrace who you are & don’t forget it, because 11 times out of 10 there will be someone on Facebook to REMIND YOU!

I have been forced into finally getting this out.

I care about the Chris Brown & Rhianna incident. I do. I will discuss the possibilities & ramifications. I will.

But what I will not do is convict the boy based on reports of reports and third & fourth party information. What I KNOW: is something happened between them; Rhianna went into hiding; Chris Brown went into hiding; the DA has not brought a case against Chris Brown; Chris Brown is now persona non grata. That is IT!

All of these people going around talking about black eyes, contusions, unconciousness. You HEARD that… how does it make it true? I have heard stories from people in the music industry that are at both ends of the spectrum… how does that make it true? If you want to discuss domestic violence, then discuss that. If you want Chris Brown convicted of a crime, then you will just have to wait. People are up in arms over something that right now has a million angles and missing pieces. I just hope that these people that have found him guilty are right. Because if not, this child’s life as he knows it is ruined. But until he IS found guilty, I am not going to make him the poster child for Domestic Violence or fault him for keeping quiet. He has a case pending.

On the other hand, why hasn’t Rhianna said anything. Why hasn’t she spoken out against this allegedly ongoing abuse? Part of the problem with domestic violence is the woman not speaking up & out. Why is it either of their jobs to say ANYTHING? If you have a child that loves Rihanna or Chris Brown… YOU sit down & talk to them about domestic violence. YOU be the role model. Superstar or not they are both YOUNG and still learning about life & love. No one should expect them to be perfect, they are human. Think back to when you were 19 & 20 and the things that you said and did that should or could have gotten you into trouble. There but for the grace…

I have witnessed domestic violence from almost every angle, it is serious. This is why I am not announcing a verdict until I have all the credible evidence. If he did bite her, choke her, punch her, and leave her unconcious on the side of the road; then, with her cooperation the law will take care of that. If it turns out that MUCH of what has been alleged is untrue; then I pray that they both have learned a lesson from this and grow from it and this young man can put his life back together.

I have family, friends & acquaintances both male & female that have been involved in domestic violence incidents. Some went unreported, some were FALSELY reported, some charges were dropped by the alleged victim but were still prosecuted by the state. It is just interesting to me how stars much older than these two have been accused of similar crimes and then some, but people took the wait & see approach. But not in this case. I in no way excuse domestic abuse of any kind verbal, physical, emotional. But I also recognize that the abusive person is not always the man. I have seen it enough to know.

I am not taking up for Chris Brown or Rihanna, I am simply saying. The FACTS are listed above… everything else is speculation, rumors, lies, and hearsay. You are welcome to have your OPINION. But please, stop losing friendships and getting all out of sorts over a YOUNG man & YOUNG woman who wouldn’t even know you if they saw you on the street.

Please & thank you… I bid you good day!

I don’t think I knew or fully understood that at 30, I would suddenly turn into a 13 year old. My hormones and body have reverted to pubescent times…

My skin… my pride & joy is more like a map of the surface of the moon… hills, craters, valleys… WHAT!??! It wasn’t supposed to be this way. But that is indeed how it is. and it’s itchy… am I allergic to 30? say it ain’t so! At first I thought it was just my new bangs. But uuuuh, it has spread all across my face like a Chris Brown rumor! *sigh*I don’t even know what to do about it… I guess I will have to get my doctor to refer me to a good dermatologist because this is NOT ok!

Uneven growth spurts… I thought I was done growing. UP maybe, but not out. my left side has decided to be its own person. It is seceding from the union and making its independence known MUCH to the chagrin of my clothes & shoes.

Hormonious… I feel like I JUST discovered the male species. Like they JUST found a cure for cooties & now it’s ok to go near them. Not only is it ok, but it is preferable & necessary. I’m not a cougar though because I am liking them young or old. I’m not a benefits “whore” like I used to be because I have been eyeballing men who couldn’t possibly have direct deposit let alone a benefits package. I’m not even discreet about it. I stare, I turn around & look back. I even wave & smile. WHAT? WHY? I don’t know… I don’t do anything but shoot them down if they actually mistake my ogling for flirtation or REAL interest… I am 13 again. (Shout out to ILB…. weeeee’re baaaaaack!!)

I want 29 back. I preferred the oily t-zone & occasional dry patch over the all over outbreak of mini-acne. I preferred the defiant love handle that could be tamed by a few weeks of low carbs over the entire mutation of my left hand side into some buxom chick twice my size & half my age. I preferred the role of coy mistress giggling behind her hand over the “Hey how YOU doin?” that I am fighting against now.

I am now in search of acne treatments, proper fitting garments, and a hobby that won’t get my fast behind in trouble. When people welcomed me to 30 & told me I would love it… I believed them. But THIS, I do not love! I hope within the next FEW months this ceases & desists & everything comes together like it did summer before 11th grade… And I once again become a dime… and not this 5 pennies & a nickel mess I got workin now!

Last night, President Barack Obama got busy on the mic at his first official press conference since becoming the 44th President of the United States. The economy is in a state and the press corps was ready to pounce. But Mr. President had something for them… ANSWERS! What a 180!

One of my friends commented that he looked angry. But I don’t think it was that. It was reminiscent of the look my mommy used to give me when I did the wrong thing after she and I had discussed what was the right thing. It was a look of frustration, disgust & disappointment. More of a “Tsk, tsk, tsk!” He didn’t act like the smartest man in the room like 43, and we all know that there were interns in the room smarter than he. He answered questions with a confidence and assurance that has long been missing from Press Conferences of the past few years; Press Conferences that I did not watch in their entirety due to the welling up of anger from the depths of my everything. Not only did he answer the questions asked, he answered the follow-up questions that those questions would likely beget. He took the each one, teach one approach and put it all out there. He proved that he wasn’t deaf to the poli-chat going on in regards to this stimulus bill. He knew that what was being said about this bill was inaccurate and being skewed.

In the past, people actually LIKED the way W. acted like a jerk & answered questions with NON-answers & took the “I run this” approach. Because we were in a war & under terrorist threat & needed an unwavering authoritative figure… blah blah BLECH! And now that Obama is showing & proving he is being inclusive without being a bully or a push-over people don’t know how to act or how to feel. He was informative, without being condescending. He was admonishing without being an azz. He didn’t just talk tough & look goofy. He was honest and earnest and confident. What a 180!

For all of those out there that loved Bush’s “follow or get out of the way” attitude, a new day is here. I know you enjoyed being ignorant & feeling protected. I know you are not used to feeling included and informed. But this is what change feels like. EMBRACE it! I just want you to understand that this new Congress is voting on the old Congress’ package, with a few changes so quit feeling sorry for the goobers that helped construct it but refuse to pass it, ok? Ok!

It’s a new dawn, it’s a new day… it’s a new life…. Welcome to the LIGHT side… No more being lied to & kept in the dark. America just got out of a bad relationship & now we have a good man in our corner. He is open & honest, sometimes brutally so but he is what we need right now to get through this tough time. We almost broke up with that last guy, but he convinced us to take him back. Face it, that last guy was just not that into you. Now he is out of our lives for good & we are realizing that we made ourselves believe we were in a safe, secure relationship because we did not want to be alone. 44 is helping us see what a mature relationship feels like… it is strange & new, but in the end… it’s not only what we need but what we deserve.

I was supposed to have friends staying with me, but due to circumstances beyond anyone’s control, it didn’t work out that way. I got up around 6 & texted a friend to see when she was leaving to head downtown. She informed me that she was already downtown because she spent the night in a friend’s office building. I was resigned to staying home & watching the Inauguration via CNNHD which I already had my DVR set to record. She told me to get my wack behind up & head downtown. I took a deep breath & prepared myself for the ordeal I was sure to endure trying to get downtown. I hopped in the shower, then coated myself in petoleum jelly, even my face (OLD SCHOOL). I put on tights, leggings and sweatpants. Then 2 long sleeved shirts, my short sleeved Obama tee by Esface and my hooded sweatshirt. I put on my kneelength Ugg-like boots, a knitted hat, scarf, and a hooded wool coat. I had somehow found the time to browse the Metro website to kind of figure out some way to get downtown via bus. The news had already said that train station parking lots were shutting dow-own! After zig zagging all through NE, DC I arrived at 12th & K. I called my friend and she met me at 14th & I. She said that she and her friends were in line for security for the parade and we went to meet them.

When we got to the line, her friends were nowhere to be found. She called them and they apparently had moved really far really fast. And there was a rowdy bunch of spazzes shouting: “No cuts, no way!” even after we explained. By this time the END of the line was a block away. Unfortunately, we decided to still cut in line, don’t judge me! The main man yelling turned around & yelled “THEY CUT IN LINE! NO CUTS NO WAY”… but no one cared. My question was why did he care? we were BEHIND him! When we finally passed through security, we ended up in front of Freedom Plaza looking for the others but they were in the park in front of the Willard. By this time it was around 8. only 6 more hours until the parade BEGAN a mile and a half away. It was cold, but not freezing so we stood ther eon the hill in the park & enjoyed the people watching.

At this point, time seemed to swell & drag. We drank hot chocolate and laughed at some of the dumbest hats we have ever seen. There was a lady wearing a rug as pants and the entire rear end of Benji the dog on her head. There were various jester-type hats, including a family with stuffed lions and what appeared to be a taxidermied CHICKEN on theirs. They allowed some people spots on the sidewalk in front of the park, but we opted to stay put. A few minutes or hours later, we wer einformed they they were shutting down the park to secure it for protesters & we all had to make our way to the sidewalk. Luckily, we found a good spot at 15th & Pennsylvania. We stood there in front of the Savannah-Chatham Metropolitan Police Department and waited. Then, it happened. The motorcade for the Heads of States and their families. We saw Barbara Bush, future-FLOTUS Michelle,and that devastatingly handsome future-POTUS Barack Obama! So after more of entertaining ourselves and nibbling on the granola bars my friend had squirreled away in her never ending pockets. We listened to the “soundtrack” of the Obama campaign o’er & o’er & o’er… at one point we broe out into the electric slide. We were surrounded by a group of caucasian people from Richmond and some hispanic folks from NJ. And we started the wave a few times. They broadcast the inauguration as heard on NPR. At noon, Mr. Obama had not yet been sworn in, but when they announced on NPR that George W. Bush was no longer President of the United States the streets erupted! After they announced Barack Obama as the next President of the United States. We screamed and shouted and screeeeeeamed.

We stood around for a few more minutes/hours and I had the bright idea to used good ole Sprint TV to watch CNN to see what was going on. My Instinct refused to stream, so we watched on my friend’s much smaller screen. We realized slowly that Ted Kennedy’s collapse was what was caused the delay at the luncheon It was amazing how everyone around us was operating as a family unit almost. We never exchanged names or anything, but we laughed & shared food & danced & huddled & watched each others streaming tv. When we found out about Ted Kennedy, and our spirits sank.

That’s when it happened, the sun went down & the hawk came out! The temperature dropped to about 10 degrees! I pulled my hat waaay down and my scarf waaaay up and turned into a faceless mass. Waiting. Each time we would start to leave, we would say: “Well, we’ve been here THIS long…” FINALLY, the parade began. We saw the fife & drum corps & a few other groups I wasn’t caring about, because I was HOPING that the President would WALK by because we were just one block from the White House. Not so. I saw him smiling and waving from his limousine, but I was not able toreally SEE him. But good old Joe Biden did not let us down! He was walking & waving and saying hello & we screeeeamed & screeeeamed. And that is when it happened.

We went home.

The protesters, LUCKILY, never showed up in the park. What would they have been protesting anyway? Likely something ignorant and useless and pointless and DISTRACTING from the historical & monumental occasion that is the inauguration of our first African-American President of the United States of America. I took the bus to Brookland station and hopped the red line home, it was less crowded by then. I came home and really thought about the ENORMITY of the event that I wasn’t even going to attend. I am glad my friend (who is actually a friend of a friend) made me get up & go & made sure I was there with her. I thought about how the things that had made me upset just the day before (which happened to be Martin Luther King, Jr. Day and my birthday) paled in comparison to what January 20th, 2009 meant. I watched clips of how the WORLD celebrated our decision. YES WE DID!

I know it took me a full week to write this & some people were looking forward to it. Post Inbloguration!

Then acts surprised, astounded, shocked & apalled. I am wondering what Mr. Burris was thinking even ACCEPTING the appointment. I swear if I hear one more political commentator say “TAINT”, “Under the TAINT”… I am going to just totally explode into a million bits of sophomoric laughter.

“Contamination”, “corruption”, “blemish”, even “uncertainty”… are very collegiate and acceptable words. But they know good & well “taint” is SLANG for something not TOO dissimilar, but come on! Stop using “taint”! Please? Please!

Now on to Burris, I think it is funny that his name is a homophone for a slang term my girls & I use to mean REALLY EMBARRASSED! THis guy has not even an inkling of enbarassment. And now it is being reported that he is going to be seated & President-Elect Obama is going to work with him. Congratulations, but not really, “Jr. Senator” Burris… you must be so proud. (Smell that sarcasm?)

Really, what is going on? It’s like a pimp with questionable taste in women choosing you as his bottom b***h after the original one has cleaned up her life and moved on to more respectable work. This is not an accomplishment, there is NOTHING to be proud of, no one in the political… er, I mean, pimping community is going to respect you regardless. So enjoy your glory days, they won’t last long. So much for the taint of Blagojevich… *stifling a snicker*

I’m soooooo not hating, I’m just stating!

Let me preface this by saying 2008 was an AMAZING year for me. It was more amazing than it was tragic, luckily. I got to not only witness but take part in one of the most POSITIVE and amazing things to happen in the US in DECADES! I was engaged, involved, informed & important!  I grew up, I learned, I lived, I loved! But there are things that were going on around me, that must NOT take place in 2009. This list was compiled by me & my friends. I will try to give credit…

30 Things I Am SO OVER in 2008!

I am SO OVER:

1. Hi fives as greetings-

Let me clarify, I have NO problems with hi-fives as a celebration. But high-fives are NOT a greeting. A wave, a handshake, maybe… But please stop high-fiving me. In the past 2 weeks, I have been offered a high-five as a greeting and have left both people hanging. After sharing my experience with a friend, I was informed of a high-five sighting between a Starbucks Barista and a drive-thru customer. Ummm WHAT?

Yeah, so in that vein, all high-fives as greetings are hereby ordered to cease and desist!

2. Hip-hop in 2008-

With VERY few exceptions, the majority of what was put out in 2008 under the umbrella of hip-hop was CRAP covered in molasses & dipped in cheap diamonds! AAAAAARRRRRRRGH!

Dear Hip-hop,

I fear you have turned into the old guy in the club or some other such ridiculous shadow of your former self that thinks they still got it, but is out of touch. Act your age, take care of your kids and please stop trying to sell me liquor. DAMMIT!

3.      3. The phrase: “It ain’t trickin if you got it”-

 You’re right, it’s STUPID! This dumb phrase will not die. Much like falling in love with a stripper, spending money on a girl that would not otherwise pay you any attention is fruitless, pointless and a waste of money even if you can “afford” it. You are not a sultan, you can’t pay a singer $1 mil just to perform for your dinner party and not miss it. CUT IT OUT!

4. 4. Raps about how much money you have-

Of course you have money; the record company GAVE it to you. But, Honey, we are in a recession! If your fans don’t have money, then they don’t buy your albums or come to your concerts. If they don’t buy your albums or come to your concerts, you owe the record company… BIG! All this Arab Money and all that, you are not getting it because your families have had it for years and you certainly have YET to earn it. When you INVEST your money in something other than grills, cars, chains with CEREAL BOXES on them, and hoes to the point that your GRANDCHILDREN and your GREAT GRANDCHILDREN won’t have to work, THEN you are getting Arab Money. Until that point, shut up & write a song about something DECENT so you don’t feel you “have to” turn around & apologize to your ignorant azz fan base for recording nonsense

5. Beyonce Fierce-

Here is an equation for you: Beyonce + personality – clothes = Sasha Fierce.

In other words, this is just Beyonce being who she really is, a warmed-over puff of mess that sings well & loves Bob Fosse. I am not going to delve any deeper, because I know that people loooove Beyonce & don’t like people saying nothing bad about her. ALL I am asking is that she stops with the Sasha Fierce foolishness! Sit down, enjoy married life & have some kids or something. You are oversaturating the market with shenanigans!

  6. Reality Shows about Reality “stars”-

Don’t get me wrong, I have been drawn into Real Chance of Love and the first season of Charm School & I think I enjoy I Love Money and the RW/RR challenges, but ENOUGH already! Reality Show spin-offs and MULTIPLE seasons of looking for love are cheesing me off. There used to be a time when you went on reality tv for the experience & 15 minutes of fame, now you go on reality tv to go on MORE reality tv. Geez LOUISE!

  7. Wearing tights & leggings as pants-

This needs its own entry! Fashion faux pas come later, but this needs to be done done done. Cover your butt! Pew! I don’t care if you have the body for it… I can see your panties! Opaque or not… I don’t want to see uninterrupted crotch or have feel like I have full access to yer booty. Pew, boo & bye!

           8.  Mariah Scary & Trick Cannon-

ARRRRGH! They are everywhere! Their whole life is one big photo op. And I am sick of looking at them. I am happy they’re “happy” REALLY I am. So I now want them to STOP convincing me or TRYING TO convince me of how happy they are. Please? Please? PLEASE!

 9. 30 being the new 20- (Shy)

GROW UP!

What is wrong with being a good old grown up? You can enjoy your life at ANY age. THAT is what that phrase was supposed to mean, but I have observed many people taking this to mean that they can act like a 20 year old or younger. Still pouting & throwing temper tantrums & being petty and thinking people care or WANT to care or TRY to care! Like my girl Shy said, “We got rising APRs to worry about,” No time to raise a grown woman (or man in some cases). Prioritize & recognize! Everyone has their own issues that are relevant to them and who said what to or about you or implied something about you, no one ELSE cares. They are balancing checkbooks, paying mortgages, filling out their FSA paperwork (smile ‘Toya) and cannot address your non-issue.

Like I said you CAN enjoy your adult life, but unless your career, family and finances were your TOP priorities when you were 20, it is time to get NEW priorities. Who said what, who likes who, who is going where and all that jazz should NOT be SO important that it becomes all you ever care about and you get angry when other people don’t want to discuss it and don’t care and you don’t understand why, it’s time to grow up!

10. Getting Brand new- (‘Toya)

“Talkin you gotta man, ok ma, AND?” – Jay-Z

There are a FEW types of brand new that I am OVER this year. One is when a man or a woman gets a new S.O. or flavor of the day, week, month and they are suddenly off the grid. No call, no email, no text, no facebook status updates unless they are talking about their new-new, no twitters, NADA! But when he’s gone they suddenly re-emerge. *fake smile* Hey, grrrrrrl!

There is also a reverse effect of this. You get a man and a friend suddenly falls off. You talk to them and they get short with you. Even general conversations seem strained. Eh?

There is no reason for any of it. Be over thine self in 2009. Stay the same, dog; don’t change.

  11. George W.-

The stock market, housing market, and banks have allllll crashed! People are pointing fingers, but there is only one person really to blame. He is the decider, right? I hope that his legacy is going quietly into that good night. They asked him the highlight of his presidency and he said catching a 7 lb. fish in his lake. People, we have finally discussed, dissected and discarded the 800 lb. gorilla in the room. CIAO!

  12. John McCain-

Go take a nap until Congress is back in session. Then when it is, sit quietly in the back of the room & grin & nod. Be EASY, don’t ruffle any feathers or start any fires, or blow any whistles. Just ENJOY your money (or hers) and your last days. I don’t wish you ANY ill, but I do wish you’d sit down in 2009. ‘Preciate it!

  13.  Sarah Palin-

NO MAS! The other grandmother of your child has been arrested on felony drug charges so you are the only good female role model the baby has! (How dramatical!!) But really, why are you TRYING to be Supermom? I don’t see or FEEL your passion. Ok, you are a nice looking woman who won an election in a state with waaaaay more moose than men & waaaaay more men than women.  Not really hard to do. But what WAS hard for you to do was sit down after you lost… I hope it gets muuuch easier in 2009 it only takes 28 days to form a habit, TRY IT!

  14. Wearing the WRONG looks: (Nikki, Rice, Mi, Erica, Melissa, Les)

·         BABY DOLL LASHES- or as Rice calls them spider lashes. Why is there a baby tarantula on your eye? Why do you look like when I lean you back your eyes automatically close, Betsy Wetsy?

·         Over-accessorized teens- in DC, our teens have a problem knowing when to SAY when. They were all of non existent in ’89 & now they are literally killing an era WE were already over.chains & chains & chains & pearls & beads AND hoop earrings AND jelly bracelets AND rings? All that? With your school uniform? Oh ok. STOP IT!

·          bright blue eye shadow and pink lipstick- it wasn’t cute in the 80s and it still is not.  Clown makeup is NEVER cute.

·          Catsuits- everything ain’t for everybody, but catsuits aren’t for ANYBODY, I mean it.

·          wide belts on big shirts worn by big girls- this wasn’t mine, but they have a point. Big belts are supposed to help, but after a certain size… I’m not sure.

·         skinny jeans on BOYS- some styles just come out looking effeminate. THIS IS THAT LOOK! There is a VERY happy medium between bagging & sagging and supatight & notright, FIND IT!

·         Sunglasses after dark- Gentlemen, unless you are blind or your prescription glasses have a tint, take that mess off!

·         cornrows- balding, greying, receding, OLDT… after a certain age, men should have a 5year plan to ditch the cornrows! Please? Thanks.

·         starter locs- if you don’t have locs by now… get over thy self!

  15. MySpace-

MySpace is the old, slutty meth-addicted sister of Facebook. Now that you have matured, you want to settle down with something a little more stable, less trashy, busy, tacky. Enter FACEBOOK - the networking page you can take home to mother! It is refined, it is sophisticated & officially addictive!

16. People not being honest with themselves-

It is cool to be confident, but if you are swaggerless, please stop claiming swag, men. And women, a stank attitude doesn’t make you a diva! I understand naming it & claiming it, but delusions of grandeur are committable offenses & by committable I mean the cute white jacket that lets you huuuuug yourself and nice room at Oak Haven with soft walls!

17.  invites clogging up my facebook inbox!!!

I apologize to anyone that sent me a Facebook message that I have not responded to, I have 27 invites to the SAME NON-events coming in everyday. I haven’t been YET and I likely am NOT coming. Send me ONE invite and let me decide if I want to look at it. I have already “unfriended” 2 people. Please don’t make me do that again!

18. Dumb celebrities- (Les, Mi, Val)

Athletes doing dumb stuff - *AHEM* Plaxico & OJ, I hope you have learned your lessons.   When the feds are after you they aren’t suddenly going to LEAVE you alone without making sure their case is CLOSED. Plaxico, why didn’t you get rid of the other guns??? Why did you even HAVE them in the first place? OJ, I thought you weren’t EVER going to sit down! WOW, thank goodness for justice forcing you to have a seat. Sit there and sit quietly and really THINK about what you did. And don’t do it again!

Celebrity baby names- Apple, Banana, Bronx, Brooklyn, StatenIsland, Knox, Nash, Fayette, Max, Emme, Gobo, Boober, Mokey, Red. STOP IT ALREADY! Your child now has to go through life with the same name as the feral child in The Jungle Book, congrats!

19.  Men with hormonal issues-

I have seen some things and heard some things that lead me to question some male’s hormonal balance. Sometimes I read things that make me wonder if the guy typing them isn’t at the keyboard weeping silently into his hanky. Is you CRYING? Huh?

It is cool to be sensitive, but to be HORMONAL? Your mood depends on your luteal cycles (look it up, I don’t have time to explain) and the phases of the moon??? If you don’t like when EYE hormonal, how & why do you think it is ok for YOU to be hormonal? You can’t get upset because women won’t let men be men & then YOU turn around & ultimately start acting like a girl. Please see #9… CEASEANDDESIST!

20. Paying SO much for SO little-

You can thank W. & his boys for this one. He (and by he, I mean Cheyney, the REAL POTUS) was so busy trying to make sure his boys were taken care of that he forgot about the  people he was HIRED to take care of! Even my cheap bagged cereal has gotten smaller, but the price hasn’t.  $30 for a half a tank of gas for a CAMRY wasn’t cool either. And now, especially in DC, people expect you to pay for parties and you get there & there is no real party- A crap DJ & people standing around looking at you looking at them looking at you. Paying for a cabaret and all you get is a crap DJ, ice, & men smelling like Hennesy & weed trying to grind on you & touch you with their ashen hands. (oh, sorry that is a DC thing)

21.  The rich getting richer while more & more people are becoming the poor-

Self-explanatory! In order for you to maintain your 5 houses, private jets, and wife’s $10,000 a month shopping habit; you have to let go of the little people? Or let the whole company fold… who cares? You got yours! Or go to the government and ask those with less to give you more? When do people start helping people? Not just enough to make them feel less guilty, but enough to make a difference?

Then they wonder why so many people are being robbed & killed for what seems like no reason. There IS a reason, they are poor now, thanks to you. And the best thing you can think to do is ask the lady behind the counter at Chanel if she has any white bags so no one knows you have been spending more in one trip than most people collect in one welfare check. SHAME ON YOU!

22.  Pity parties-

Boo hoo, my life is sooooo bad! Everyone has their MOMENTS. But when your whole year has been one long pity party? It is time to bust those balloons & pull yourself up by your boot straps. I told a friend earlier this year, drama can really only affect you if you invite it or invent it. With SOME exceptions, this is true. If you want to complain & cry for days, weeks, months on end & never really DO anything about it, I will be marking “NO” on that evite, SORRY! See #9.

23. pick up lines-

No I didn’t bring you lunch, no I will not get you any money out of the ATM & no I will NOT smile for you. I k now I am sexy, beautiful, pretty… I mean I look at myself EVERYDAY! HA!

I am of an age where I prefer genuine, natural conversation. Stop trying to FORCE conversation & use segues and in-roads or whatever. If the woman is worth anything, your lines will go ignored or met with a fake smile and a BRISK walk away. Say Hello and ask MAYBE one other question, stop trying to run game. Game is soooo last decade.

24. Being black being  just ONE thing-

There are SOME things SOME of us have in common, but for goodness sakes, we are DIVERSE. If President-Elect Obama is not proof positive of that, I don’t know WHAT is!

TVs, movies and the NEWS don’t help. There are plenty of Black people that likely subscribe to the ONE type of Black people doctrine. I too watch the news & shake my head at what I see there, but I distance myself from foolishness regardless of the color of the person’s skin. When a white person does something crazy, no one thinks it a conversation-starter to ask the nearest white person how they feel about it, just because they are white. But let something happen to a Black person, and suddenly all black people have an opinion on it & it is ok to ask it.

EVERYONE, stop watching so much TV, stop believing the newspapers and get out & meet real people. I can tell you there needs to be some more diverse characters in movies that are more like ME… I am complex & multi-faceted, not a singer, stripper, sexpot, golddigger, backstabber, victim of the system or crackhead.

25.  Thinking racism is dead-

It is now even MORE overt… being passed off as comedy like Amos N Andy… or thought of as freedom of speech like cross burnings. NO! Racism went underground for a while, but now that the President-Elect is one Barack Obama; the sheet has been thrown off! We see you and I am fairly certain that it will no longer be tolerated or taken so lightly.

You can’t expect to correct CENTURIES of undereducation, miseducation, systematic disregard in a few decades with a few half-hearted, misadministered programs. Get your heads out of the clouds, please? Thanks.

26.  Corrupt Politicians- (Mi)

From selling senate seats, getting all gay  in the men’s bathroom in airports, and queers who come out and ruin the family image and break up there hetero marriages… corruption in politics has been the big darn deal this year & I really hope that we can leave this behind in the 09.

27.  The RNC-

See ABOVE… Barack the Magic Negro INDEED! I don’t care whose party you USED to be. Look at what your party has BECOME!

28.  REAL criminals not REALLY being punished-

How are you still walking the streets & you stole THOUSANDS of people’s WHOLE LIVES. And someone’s little cousin is in jail for YEARS for stealing someone’s purse. Riddle me that?

See # 21. Upper echelon friends are a nice thing to have. But even real friends make sure you do the right thing and get everything you deserve… good or bad.

29.  Movies & tv shows about other movies & tv shows-

There is truly nothing new under the sun. Every other movie is based on an old movie or tv show. “Snore pie with yawn sauce!” (Red Fraggle). There are plenty of things that have not been covered, thousands of stories that haven’t been told. At one point, I think my life really WAS some sort of Truman Show because you really couldn’t WRITE this.

But nooooo, you want to make TV shows based on European shows and movies based on old movies. If you need some fresh Ideas, I have a few!

30.  Refusing to leave the past IN the past-

Exes are exes for a reason! Getting in contact with old flames… stoking long cold coals. It is over, let it go; especially when one or BOTH of you is in a relationship. Don’t it always seem to go, that you don’t know what’ you’ve got til it’s gone! I am leaving it BEHIND next year and you… should… too

have a happy new year!

What the hot buttered snot is going on in Illinois? The governor went all old school gangsta on them- talking reckless & shaking folks down like “WHAT!?!?” (I love/hate that phrase) Blogjog, as I call him has really been real Kanye West with his i.e., saying & doing whatever he wants! Must be an Illinois thing. R. Kelly, pees on who he wants. Kanye says what he wants. Blogjog shakesdown who he wants. And in the midst of all of this, Poor President-Elect Obama sits, once again being dragged into foolishness because he associated with a man that associated with foolishness. This is a damned if you do, damned if you don’t situation for him. Obama said he didn’t have any unsavory dealings with the man, but that wasn’t good enough. The media want to know if he knew this man was up to no good and if so why didn’t he dime him out. Why didn’t you dime out your crackhead uncle? Your embezzelling daddy? Your stealing from Wal-mart grandmother? I am not going to weigh in on it, I just want you all to think about that.

Illinois is just one of 50 states and territories that Obama has to worry about. He is pretty much being charged with cleaning up the biggest, most ignorant and reckless frat party EVER! And the media is worried about why he never cleaned his room.  PISHAW! Poor, poor JJJ, I hope he wasn’t involved in this blatant disregard for the law, ethics, and common sense. This is the information age no one goes unnoticed, you can only fly under the radar but SO long especially in the public eye. So young JJJ, I hope you are honest & integritous (is that a word yet?)

And finally, I would like to call SHENANIGANS on Oprah. YOUNG LADY, get over thine self! You know good & goshdarn well you didn’t SUDDENLY gain 60 pounds! Just like I am lying to myself about sudenly gaining 25. First of all, it happens! Just because people put you on a pedastal, The Oprah is a human being… it is ok. I forgive you. Secondly, WE saw you getting bigger, you don’t have to act like we didn’t. and lastly, who cares you are The Oprah! Enjoy it, honey! Live your good life, don’t let these folks out here have you DYING to be thin. Skinny people die of heart disease too. Have some pie for me, girrrrl, because I can’t afford bigger clothes so I gotta lose this weight. You got options… USE THEM!

I am sick of DC clubs. First Dream “closed” and Love “opened”. The Republic Gardens changed hands, closed, mutated, closed, reopened, popped locked & dropped & now The Republic is there. #1 I will forever refer to Love as Dream because I have only been a HANDFUL of times since it became “Love The Club Dot Com”. That is the onliest way I will refer to it as Love…

I recently heard that Avenue closed… BOO HOO! I hated that place it was cold & impersonal and COLD! BUt this isn’t about my club review. This is about the GRAND OPENING of Luxe Nightclub. The ad said it was downtown??? next to the convention center?? on New York Avenue?? HOLD UP! I googled the address & sure as you been born, it was AVENUE.

I just recieved an evite and INCESSANT previous invites to Muse Nightclub. In Chinatown??? Across from Verizon Center??? HOLD UP! I googled the address…. RNR!?!? I looooved RNR. Hassan is/was the best bartender EVER! but I heard RNR was closing for condos. Stop trying to make residential downtown DC happen! (I love Mean Girls) But yeah, it was just turned into what the FOOLS living in Penn Quarter (STOP trying to make residential downtown DC happen) were told would be a jazz lounge. Well let me tell those folks living in Penn Quarter something, judging from whom I recieved this Evite, Muse is & or WILL BE the polar opposite.

They start up these clubs with the BEST of intentions… but you know what they say about the road to hell…

Ibiza is a prime example… I went to the grand opening with DJ AM & Kim Whoredashian & the chicks hanging from the ceiling & all the hoopla & pomp & circumstance & rules & dress codes. And now what? they hold go-gos there. OH how the mighty have fallen!

There USED to be a formula for what worked. And all this fake bougie, exclusive, uppity isn’t it. I am not saying let every fire breathing dragon in with his Hennesy breathed crew! But if you don’t see that this thing is BROKE and MUST be fixed. I don’t know what to tell you. I have long since retired from the happy hour every other night & clubbing on Thursday, Friday & Saturday. But I would like to know that when I DO want to go out. I have options & those options aren’t hood, uppity, or just plain WACK!

I will be keeping an eye & ear out for Luxe & Muse (not really). I wish you the best of luck (not really).

I’m not hating, I’m just stating!